Her blade dashes and flies,
blood drips on the wood floor,
her wrist is maimed.
A tear falls silently,
she drops to her knees.
Falling apart on the outside, imploding on the inside.
Moonlight falls on her face,
a gleaming hazel eye is reavealed.
Straight red hair, concealing all other features.
Her skin tone quickly fading,
convulsions seizing her torso.
The bleeding doesn't stop.
Wind blowing open the balcony door,
the curtains wrenched away.
Everything is revealed.
Slender and crumpled her body lay,
an opalescent glow emnating from every limb.
Her eyes closed evermore.
A pool of blood drenching the black dress she wears,
a lengthy note on the mirror.
All is calm, but hidden remains the true terror.
Unattended Distress
Author notes
For contest, FieryHollow
- A Sanctuary for the Lost Alone Dark or group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Give me something DARK PW allowed by Elle Kaye.
800 points, ended August 13, 2008, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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This is more of a story than anything, but is well composed. Perhaps you should write a book. you would have no problem keeping the readers attention!
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I like the different emphasis that you have in this poem, and the imagery is beautifully crafted. Thank you for entering this contest
just a note to ask you to check that you have followed the rules - I wish you the best of luck when it comes to judging!
Keep writing
Polly
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descriptive
i enjoyed how you portraid her death how slowly her soul was taken out of her body !! nice write!! :
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Wow nice! Excellent descriptions!! Good job on this poem!
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This is an extremely disturbing poem. The imagery is clear and well refined. Personally, I'm not a fan of suicide poetry, but you've really done a good job with this, short, to the point with maximum effect.
Thank you for sharing this, and for taking the time to enter my contest,
Luck. -
Oh my goshh this poem gave me chills
Any poem that gives chills makes me happy!
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wow.
i read this and the imagaes formed in my mind.
the title for this poem is perfect!!
this was excellent!-
the way it was written made everything flow and the suspense was perfect...
wow. -
Visually stunning, yet emotionally painful. This reaches in and wrenches the readers heart.
Another fine write
Bravo!
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A very sad, yet beautifully written poem.
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very nice poem,
i like it alot,
i like the working of the poem,
best of luck in the contest,
*leaves a rose*
love Elektra xxx -
Love it
Nothing more than that. I LOVE IT!!!
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This was exquisit(sp?), beautifully written and wonderfully done. ths is my favorite stanza:
A tear falls silently,
she drops to her knees.
Falling apart on the outside, imploding on the inside.
Once again you did a great job, keep on writing!!!
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Wow hun
I love this.
Its great.
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Wonderful piece, I really enjoyed the imagery in your write. A lot of emotion, I also loved that it wasn't cliche. Awesome write, going to check out some more.
HxS
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