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Cake as Ancient Sundial

 

 

 

 

 

Hands dip through an arch
once a year, before dawn falls complete.
Before sun bleaches stone, shrinking
each edge
another step to centre.
Back to empty.
 
Back to the beginning
and the end, though that order
is arbitrary. For the past
ends somewhere and the future
is always beginning.
 
Until it ends.

 

A cake is not Stonehenge, just similar.
 
Burnt offerings are made of blood
and prayer, sacrifices keeping
time in narrow wax-light.
 
She never counts them all 
but Memory is the hand that wields
the hollow knife. It always cuts
at an angle.
 
All reflections do.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • just rob gold member
    January 5, 2008

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    Excellent, my friend,

    congrats on an oh so well deserved honorable mention. How I ever snuck into this nest of excellence in the higher portions of this contest is beyond me, but I'm sure proud of the company in here. Everyone said it all above, but for this, reading the other poems in this contest has been a clinic on writing endings for me, and this one is another perfect excample. How do you do it?

    Peace Rob


  • Cat gold member
    January 4, 2008

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    your voice is really changing of late- i think in a good way- your poetry has a more accessible feel to it without losing your unique quality of
    wording and device-

    the title here pulls the reader in curiosity into the piece-
    i love the line- a cake is not stonehenge just similar- it gives the piece this sorta down-home/ meets world travelled feel..

    yeah, i like this

    m


  • Nicolette gold member
    January 3, 2008

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    I loved how you've combined the metaphors of a sundial and cake here - totally original. Two difficult subjects to combine, yet you still managed to add power and emotion. And those last few lines - simply gorgeous poetry. Beautiful poetry and the refelctive quality of this poem adds another deeper dimension to it.

    ~ Nicolette


  • poetryality silver member
    January 3, 2008

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    There was a time when I could accurately tell time with no watch or clock. I had studied the "sun-dial" and had the sun's positions in the heavens down to a fine science. Within minutes I was accurate in telling time. I do wonder why I left that knowledge at the wayside.

    Your last lines make me tilt my head to the side. I often reflect using that gesture. An excellent metaphor used here dear poet. Your words flow exceedingly well, and stir my spirit. Thank you for this entry and we wish you well in the challenge.



    Much Love ♥

    Renee


  • Heart Sutra
    January 2, 2008

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    I enjoyed the perspective here in this piece. I like the image of a "sundial" and how time moves through our lives or our memories...or maybe we are moving through time and memory. This poem is deceptively simple on first read but the second time takes the reader more deeply into the truth.

  • tara wilson gold member
    January 1, 2008

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    "It always cuts
    at an angle.

    All reflections do."...excellent poem..

    good luck in the contest..


  • misselaineous
    December 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oh yes
    i was disappointed when i saw stonehenge
    it was so small . i always imagined it as bigger but not as big as this poem is, really
    very good work
    elaine


  • Namita
    December 28, 2007

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    ah pure brilliance... though i hate it when people try to steal away the books i want to win amazing...


  • layla.
    December 28, 2007

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    dang... you don't leave a way for me to say as a critique... i'm sorry... but i can't and i guess i will never be able to. you go so deep into a subject that it's really hard for me to say "to what extent" your imagery is/was perfect or just brilliant. i fail... but YOU ROCK!!!


  • Night Hope gold member
    December 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "sacrifices keeping
    time in narrow wax-light."

    I already told you how much I love your title. Having read this remarkable poem, I love it even more now. Good luck in Zayra's contest, my Friend. Wanda

  • Cinnarry gold member
    December 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    ...sigh....thats all I can say.

1 - 11 of 11