Beautiful, blue, endless skies
Sparkling waters, sparkling eyes
white waves, rolling together
going on and on forever
Deep, beyond human bounds
anchors never scraping the grounds
beautiful colors, glistening rays
Beauty never in such arrays
Splashing and hissing in all ears
blissful blues are all fears
pretty to look and upon all rides
cowarding inward when it strides
Loving the beast with all the heart
Will give the beast a frightful start
Never love a rioting beast
the powerful heart will never cease
You cannot love the ocean's heart
because where there is no end, there is no start
Author notes
ramonesgirlxoxo
A contest entry
- Does the Ocean break upon your Heart? by Flames-of-Furey.
488 points, ended February 11, 2008, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did this mean for you?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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'Beautiful, blue, endless skies
Sparkling waters, sparkling eyes
white waves, rolling together
going on and on forever'
The beginning is really pretty I like the way you link the eyes to the sea at the start and the great rhyming couplets scheme is a good way to mimic the pace of the sea.
Deep, beyond human bounds
anchors never scraping (the) grounds'- syllables off here the is probably not necessary it sounds better without
'beautiful colors, glistening rays
Beauty never in such arrays' hmm not sure about rays ryming with arrays they do rhyme but they are too similar try reworking the last line with another rhyming world like sways or days or something.
Splashing and hissing in all ears
blissful blues are all fears'- hmm little ambiguous look out for your syllable count its 2 short
'pretty to look and upon all rides
cowarding inward when it? strides'- define it? it meaning the sea or love or neither.
'Loving the (beast) with all the heart
Will give the (beast) a frightful start
Never love a rioting (beast)
the powerful heart will never cease'
in my opinion you use thye word beast way to much here and the word rioting doesnt seem to fit with the picture your teying to create try restless or something slightly more gentle but still chaotic.
'You cannot love the ocean's heart
because where there is no end, there is no start'
This is a beautiful and faultless ending like the beginning a fantastic depiction of ideas and metaphorical language
think about what I have said this poem has potential if you do edit before the contest closes I shall read it in my final decision and I will be interested to see what you do with your work.
good luck -
:)
Yet another beautiful poem by you
I especially like this part
'Loving the beast with all the heart
Will give the beast a frightful start
Never love a rioting beast
the powerful heart will never cease'
Wonderful
Thankyou for entering my contest
&
Good luck
Jaz <3
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If you can tell me honestly how your write relates to the graphic I will be glad to consider it. Thank you for your entry. It is well written but somehow doesn't seem to relate.
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Thanks for entering my contest and good luck!
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this is wonderfull and good luck in the contest
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Oh wow this is beautiful, absolutely beautiful! i love your use of rhyme and imagery. Great Job and thanks for entering my contest!
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I appreciate your entry in my contest. Unfortunately, you're too young. But.....I love your poem. You must be 45 and older to enter. Just between you and me - this is better than what I've received from the "older folks"!
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Thank you very much. This was my FIRST poem ever, so I'm glad you liked it!
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Oh, I love this! I love the way this poem rhymes as well! Thank you for entering, and good luck in the contest!
All the best,
*Stephi*
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