You are a run-on sentence that does not believe in punctuation. You put a period after the word forever instead of a comma and somehow it leads me to doubt you, because forever was never meant to have an end [ Right?]
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and I skip it just so I can waste that much more time hung up over your smile and how it used to burn from inside me and how it rains on the parade I never had to begin with; I tell myself I deserve the sun.
The ball is dropping. I’ve been counting the seconds since last year, and somehow I must have miscalculated because the negatives have been shuffling between the gaps in my teeth for several days now. I tell myself it’s a new year, a new start, but as the confetti falls every color still reminds me of you for some reason or another. I have managed to hardly change at all [though the same can hardly be said for you.] Cider is spilt on the bed sheets and I don’t remember the last time I cleaned them because you’re just one of those stains that won’t come out until you want them too [and frankly I’m not so sure I do.]
I connect the dots of your freckles and suddenly I can’t look at your face the same, or even remember how I used to. You say I’ve fallen for you; into you. So are you a pothole, or a loophole? [You can’t climb out of both.] We were chasing a sunset of dirt that left our fingernails dirty and clawing against the back of a sinking horizon.
You are seen through the virtual eyes of a girl looking for love with her eyes closed. When I say I love you I hear an echo of something else entirely. Were you whispering under your breath ? Was I too busy trying to breathe it all in to notice? I don’t need your hand; you’ll only pull me down. It’s hard to ignore the calls but I don’t need to replay memories of you and me—I’ll choke myself with the reels of tape before I ever watch them again.
My lips wander across angel wings and even their immaculate skin stretched across liquid bones cannot amount up to whatever spells you must have cast upon your cracked buds of deceit. I sip a molten sky of quivering words and spit them at your feet. Every promise I ever made was naked and had no letters to bend around. Even twilights soul cracks under the pressure of a darker day, but you? You hold heavy and strong even as Satan scrambles up your spine. Tomorrow, the resting suns of my eyes will wake up. Tonight is the last time they will ever set under the lids of your double meanings and falsified expressions.
If the face you wear and keep by your door is not for me then who is it for? Are you speaking in a sign language of gazes? Grass blades are tearing up your clothes and leaving you dressed in tie-dye skin; a drought of lips tongue to cheek. Picture frames hang crooked and somehow
you fit into the picture of my life
better than I do.
Author notes
I am pissed. This took hours too write and he is sitting there in my head laughing at me because my
inspiration is almost as dead as he is....
Help..?
[I tried to use all of the lyrics as insp.
Hell in Harmony]
A contest entry
- you left this feeling here inside me by CarCrashHumor.
600 points, ended February 23, 2008, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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"I skip it just so I can waste that much more time hung up over your smile and how it used to burn from inside me and how it rains on the parade I never had to begin with; I tell myself I deserve the sun."
holy wow-- I love that!!
"The ball is dropping. I’ve been counting the seconds since last year, and somehow I must have miscalculated because the negatives have been shuffling between the gaps in my teeth for several days now. I tell myself it’s a new year, a new start, but as the confetti falls every color still reminds me of you for some reason or another."
"and frankly I’m not so sure I do."
(this line "a sunset of dirt that left our fingernails dirty" I think there could be a better word after fingernails, since dirt was already used. I love that idea of 'a sunset of dirt')
"clawing against the back of a sinking horizon."
"Were you whispering under your breath ?"
"I’ll choke myself with the reels of tape before I ever watch them again."
"You hold heavy and strong even as Satan scrambles up your spine. Tomorrow, the resting suns of my eyes will wake up. Tonight is the last time they will ever set under the lids of your double meanings and falsified expressions."
"Are you speaking in a sign language of gazes? "
"you fit into the picture of my life
better than I do. "
sublime ending!
I loved reading this. I love your writing... it's perfect.
I know what you mean by your author comments, but your writing is still amazing. he can't kill something so strong. -
You are most definitely one of the most talented writers in this site. Go find a publisher. They will fight over you. Tell the one in your head to shut up, unless his oddball ways inspire you. Thank you for creating and sharing and good luck in the contest. Take care,
AD
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if he's laughing its only because he's a evil doer! you must be the hero and save yourself hunnie..
i loved this though:
"You are seen through the virtual eyes of a girl looking for love with her eyes closed. When I say I love you I hear an echo of something else entirely. Were you whispering under your breath ? Was I too busy trying to breathe it all in to notice? I don’t need your hand; you’ll only pull me down. It’s hard to ignore the calls but I don’t need to replay memories of you and me—I’ll choke myself with the reels of tape before I ever watch them again."
i can relate to the fact that the emotion behind it is genuine. everything you write is real; its hard to take in at times but i force myself to read.
keep it up darling; even if you feel like giving up.
♥
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Thank you love. I appreciate it. Glad you survived the reading<3
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=[ beautiful. i'm sorry [as always..]. Great write though. You're imagery is always flawless.
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