in my streets and alleys,
I am
inviolate –
the steady stamp
of rubber over fake-d stone,
the siren-wail midnights
& days bleached
to lassitude,
sidewalks dozing
under midday haze.
this
scatter of lichen,
gum-seeped cracks
in facings
& windless debris huddled
into corners –
this is my
regency,
my
power –
as long
as shadows seep
rectangular by lamplight,
sharp edges
defined & un-swayed
by creeping moss –
as long as I
lock
clawing seeds
beneath concrete & pesticides –
behind the city,
nature stalks.
and she is
watching-
Author notes
macey muse
A contest entry
- behind the city by flight.
900 points, ended February 11, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
You took me there with your imagery, for sure. Justin
-
I think that this is redolent
of T S Eliot and his Chicago poems (many mistook for London).
This is definitely a fine, modern poem. It reads well the first time but bears several very satisfactory readings.
Your imagery is as fresh as I have seen on a subject that has often been treated by poets.
That you can end with a predatory image speaks volumes. Your persona maintains, through your precise, imagistic control, power over life, natural life.
There is a movement thematically from inviolate through power of 'regency' to the desperateness of 'lock'.
You have written a very fine poe.
Ron.
-
Beautiful. You're coming along nicely. It's good to see that you're still writing. And it looks like the harders edges of your style have softened some. I like the effect.
I pick up the feel of ambivilance in this, jealous and caution. Your eternal curiousity as well. I think it reflects who you are perfectly.
There's not a lot to critisize on this. You are usually very percise. The only things I found to pick on, are here:
~~inviolate –
the steady stamp
of rubber over fake-d stone,~~
'Inviolate' is a little too hard nosed for the flow of the lines. Might try a word with different sounds that may blend better. And the stamp image doesn't mesh with the rest of this. It's kind of a sore thumb.
~~as long as I
lock
clawing seeds
beneath concrete & pesticides –~~
'Lock' doesn't work either. Seems like the wrong meaning for the intent. Think on it. And 'clawing' works, but... I don't know. This particular spot seems like the perfect place to put something living that is, by it's nature, viscious and really give a whollaped image to your readers. Just a thought.
Adding your comment:
