How I beat the spammers at their own game

My most esteemed doctor friend in Nigeria:

May the peace of Allah and the wisdom of Legba be with you.  May the strength of Ogu Ferraille god of iron and of male strength be with you. 

I send to you blessings of Allah for the new Year 2008.

I must dare say I am destitute and living on the streets of Chicago, so I will not be able to assist you at this time.

However, as I am King of Chicago, a.k.a Tarik ibn Kefas abu Ziyad, I can offer you the hospitality of the Roma, of the Gypsy People.  You are welcome to share with me of a bottle of magic jungle juice any time you like, good doctor Iago.

I may be flying over to Lagos or even maybe going to northern Nigeria in the not too distant future.  I am also interested in the area around Port Harcourt.  I am concerned that the oil companies are hurting the people and the animals and plants who are all of Allah.  This cannot be. 

Please do not bother me with any more requests for business, as I do not do that.  However, if you come to Chicago, I can avail of many resources to assist your people in welcoming them and letting them get the lay of the streets and anything else in Chicago for indeed, I am King of Chicago, he who Rules in Benificence and Mercy, who knows much but has little.

Please inform your networks that I must not be bothered any more with the spam.  It is annoying us.  We have much good work to do, including assisting good folk to come to this country to make an honest living.  If you continue to annoy us, we do have counter-measures from which we can draw an amazing array of possibilities.  I think you would not want me or any of my people in your bailiwick, but we are always interested in expanding, so please do take note of this warning.

I leave you in the blessing of Allah.

Sincerely,
Tarik Abu Ziyad
a.k.a cafegroundzero


----- Original Message ----
From: kabo uago 
Sent: Tuesday, December 25, 2007 10:44:53 AM
Subject: Read Well And Respond Urgently

    Dear Friend ,
           
I am the head of Accounts and Audit Department of Bank of Africa,
Ouagadougou . I decided to contact you after a careful thought that you may be capable of handling this business transaction which I explained below;

In my department, I discovered an abandoned sum of $13.5m US dollars (Thirteen million, five hundred thousand US dollars). In an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in 2002  in a plane crash.

Since i got information about his death, The bank have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because The fund cannot be released  unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines but unfortunately I learnt that his supposed next of kin(his son and wife) died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim .It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin (I want to present you as his business associate )to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don't want this money to go into the Bank treasury as unclaimed Bill.

The Banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained Unclaimed after seven years, the money will be transferred into the Bank treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and a Burkina be cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner .I agree that 35% of this money will be for you as foreign partner, in respect to the provision of a foreign account, 10 % will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 55% would be for me . There after I  will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated. Therefore to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to your account as arranged, you must apply first to the bank as next of kin of the deceased customer. Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application. I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer.

I expect that you contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter, and send me your personal data including your recent passport before i send you the application which you will fill and send to the bank for continuation of this transaction.

Hoping to hear from you immediately.

Yours faithfully,           
Dr Kabo Uago.
Accounts & Audit Department ,
Bank of Africa

Nb.also give me your telephone and fax numbers for easy communication with you .