Its coolness soothes away all care
when loving hands caress the form
carved at diamond-point to last
till time and distance quite dissolve.
when loving hands caress the form
and eyes delight in nature's tones
from spinach green to sheep's-fat white
its every glory limned in stone.
carved at diamond-point to last
the frailest flowers still adorn
a drinking bowl or mountain side,
dogs Fo royal and dragons wild.
Till time and distance quite dissolve
its shades of green incise a life
of fragile skills, devotion's tool,
in artistry beyond compare.
Author notes
This is an experiment in describing one precise art form in terms of another prescribed form. Dog Fo is the dog you see in porcelain, jade, bronze - any kind of Chinese art form.
A contest entry
- NO GREENS - ROUND 2 - Invitation Only by Pamela A Lamppa.
3000 points, ended January 20, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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what a beautiful dedication to treasured art form and its artists
"its shades of green incise a life"
thank you for this wonderful entry
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Hello there. I am so pleased you were able to join us with this Retourne. Couple of things:
Line 3 and the beginning line of stanza 3 are 7 syllables and need to be 8. Diamond is 2 syllables. (that would be the one that would trip me up) Something to check on. I am also having a difficult time finding the simile though green is very apparent.
We have extended the time frame to complete this round so there is still time to work on this piece. I will be back to take a look later.
I love the idea of the Chinese Dog and think this topic is great for this round. So much can be done with it, like smooth green sheen of jaded nose to tip the tail of flower frail...
I will be back.
~Pamela 
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Hallo again, Pamela. Thank you for your helpful comments. I did change to "spinach green" instead of "spinach dark", so hope that holds good. All jade, except for the mutton-fat 'grey', of course, is green. As for 'diamond', I think we have come across another of those American/English pronunciation problems. I did check with the OED because it wouldn't have occurred to me to pronounce 'diamond' with only two syllables. Being the OED, it confirms my way of saying it. I could add another adjective to make just the two, if you would prefer it; I would rather stick with English because that is my language. Please let me know.
As you may have seen from my comments on other poems, I'm enjoying this contest very much ... all these comments, of course, delaying the point at which I have to take up the challenge myself.
Thanks for your help again.
Joy
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Joy
Hmmm. Diamond. I am checking dictionary.com but didn't think of OED and really should have.
Lots and lots of green here but simile. We would like more simile.
I have been trying to find a reference to get the correct pronunciation of diamond.
Any assistance to a link you can provide would be great. I am afraid I don't have hard copy of that.
Plenty of time here in this contest so don't rush. Relax and rework as you see fit.
I am so pleased you are enjoying this contest. It is meant to be fun and to be a learning experience - for us all. Lovely entry, and I am waiting for my OED lesson. 
~Pamela
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Goodmorning Pamela (Sunday 30 December here in the UK)
I hope you're enjoying this discussion as much as I am. It's great after so much argument, insult, unbridled offensiveness traded by most of the exchanges I read on this site. So, to "diamond":
Oxford (Shorter) English Dictionary - all 2672 pages of it! page 540 "d(phonetic a):amond, alternative d(phonetic a):mond." We may each have the pronunciation we prefer. May I have the English one, because that is my language, please?
You'll see that I've made one slight change in stanza 2, l.3 using "sheep's-fat white" instead of the grey. I've never liked "mutton-fat white", as it's usually called: much prefer the other and, of course, the simile is more obvious.
One other point: simile. I'm probably stretching the meaning somewhat too wide, but since sculpture, painting, drawing "make comparisons one thing with another, esp. as an ornament in poetry or rhetoric (OED p.1998)between shapes and forms and especially in poetry or rhetoric", isn't that what I have done in comparing animal, flower and mountain shapes in poetic medium? Or is that just too wide for comfort?
Am happy to abide by your reading of the definition.
Am about to enter a Rispetto being, I think, living proof that it's never too late to learn.
Enjoy our entries to this fascinating contest and have a wonderfully happy new year.
Joy
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I am liking the exchange very much and I am learning. Thank you Joy.
We will be reading everything many times yet before the judging in this round so no worries and all exchanges are important. Thank you.
Rispetto is fun and and I do hope you will enjoy writing one. Happy New Year to you as well. Thank you again. ~Pamela
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Hi mum. A beautiful write. A skillfully crafted Retourne. Very good imagery, flow and tone. Nice depth of feeling. Vivid descriptives. Good word choice and alliteration. Elegant verse. Best wishes in the contest.
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