There are tuxedos and gowns covering the scene.
There’s all the liquor you could ask for and fancy cuisine.
All the woman are dolled up, but you look like a queen
or like a Greek goddess…Athena, Venus, or Selene
At the Bartenders Ball, all the guys can’t help but stare
at your angelic splendor, as it is hard to compare.
And as you gazed at me, you seem completely unaware.
While we dance it seems we are as one. An inseparable pair.
We’re standing on the dance floor as I hold you tight
In that tan dress babe, you looked great tonight.
It’s a perfect moment when everything is just right.
You’re why painters paint, singer sing and poets write.
Author notes
This is a poem about my first date in a pool hall/sports bar with my fiancé. It is part of a collection of poems that was presented to her on our anniversary.
Check out part I http://allpoetry.com/poem/3494322
Check out part II http://allpoetry.com/poem/3740470
Check out part III http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/3740574
Written December 26th, 2007
In a list
A contest entry
- 140th Contest by Tarja.
450 points, ended January 7, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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great write
however i am a painter a singer and a poet and not all can do all is correct and some can't do any art at all dthis is good
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I found this....to be very sweet... true love is amazing and when you can find it, thats where the best part comes in!!
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My step sis is named Athena....lol. USELESS KNOWLEDGE! YAY!
Awesome job! I really felt the emotion behind this piece! An A+ job! Keep up the awesome work adn thanks so much for the share! I really am looking forward to reading more of your work....which I probably have already............ I read a lot of stuff on here and try to comment on everyones....Sorry for my mindless ramblings.............HAHA!!!!!
Again.....Thanks so much for the brilliant write and share! Good luck with future writes....but judging from this, you don't really need much luck!!!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~**~Heroesrox~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~* -
I liked this piece a lot. I don't think it needs any editing. The words felt carefully chosen and well placed, and the end rhyme felt unforced, and the rhythm was perfect. It felt like a song, and deserved a trophy, as it got. This piece I am sure would make any sensible girl smile and swoon that you could remember such an event with such grace and poise, and capture it in words penned so beautifully down. Good luck with your marriage, you seem to have found the one. Not many do. Great write.
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Nice
I really like the first verse, and the second was good two. I think that you could make it better by perhaps rewording the second verse, lines 3 and 4, and the last verse I think that you could do something different with the third line. It doesn't seem to fit quite right. I really do enjoy that you are writing something to some one that you love. Bravo! I like this section of the poem, and intend on looking at the others. ^_^
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Oh, this was a beautiful take on a wonderful, magical night shared with the one you love. If you haven't already, I would certainly share this with your loved one. Anyone who wrote me such amazing poetry would certainly be very special to me. The only thing I would change is that I would write out the word 'and' instead of using the & symbol. This is such a classy poem for a classy night, that to use shorthand seems to degrate it
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Wow, all of them are amazingly heart touching. Your fiance must have loved this! You really lay your heart out on the table, absolutely beautiful!
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WOW..
I looooved every sigle line.. u made me feel as if i saw that, as if i lived in that wonderful scene... really u deserve more than the bronze..
BRAVO!!
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I really like this one I see this happening like a scene in a movie. It was a fun read
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This is a very beautiful and tender poem that you have written here for that very special person in your life.
You'be got a great use of poetic devices within these lines, and I definately like that
well done!
Thank you for entering the contest, I wish you the best of luck!
Leander -
This is a very cool poem, I really dig the style of it and personally I wouldn't change anything in it. It's wonderful
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This is a delicately tender expression of love that I am sure touch your lady's heart and soul. Love is a wonderful thing. It's nice to see someone that has found it.
Thank you for entering.
Best of luck to you!
Blessings
Bel
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Thanks so much for posting in my contest.
Cathy
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This is a beautiful poem filled to the brim with love. How awesome to deciate a whole series of these to her. She is one special lady.
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aww... thats so sweet of you....i like this a lot! good luck in my contest
Suna Ketsuma
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This is such a lovely dedication to your girl, I'm sure she smiles when she reads these poems. I like your rhyme with cuisine, it's quite clever, never thought of it. I like rhyme that you don't expect, makes it less cliche.
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great scene you painted here with yoour lovely words. its a beautiful series as well. seriously if my boyfriend gave me that I would be so touched, you have a lucky,lucky girl, I hope she knows that.
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Not to be vulgar, but as a woman, I can wholeheartedly tell you that if that doesn't get you laid... NOTHING will!
I'm not even your girlfriend and this took my breath away... just what you are talking about makes a girl float to cloud nine and think *SIIIIIGH* This was absolutely gorgeous. Not just the message, but it was well written too... the rhyming and the word choice, everything was perfectly placed. Thank you so very much for entering and good luck.
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a very sweet poem of romance ... I loved the last line ... she must be very touched by your message ... thank you ...
happy new year !
maa
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