23 years old, she enters the room
bodacious breasts, tiny thighs.
i smile, i greet, 'it's pleased to meet'
cursing inside, all the while.
long brown hair, pretty pink lips
shining blue eyes so full of glee
you glance at me so derogatory
it shows, your prejudices on me.
you've no idea what it's been like
being raised in comparison to you,
low esteem, low self worth
always compared to someone new.
sometimes i felt i was like you
i could have been that way,
every chance i was cursed again
forced, once more, in my place.
your hair breezes as you walk on by
lashes flirt with each soft blink
you look at him, he looks at you
not caring how i feel or think.
yes i long for your sculpted figure;
fancy pers-on-al-ity,
carefree smile shining bright,
being all that you can be.
it wouldnt take much to fit your shoes...
a spit and shine to look that way,
but long ago they stole my worth
now i'm stuck with nothing but en-vay.
Author notes
YOUR OPTIONS:
#1 - The sin, Envy, itself
A contest entry
- 118th Contest by Tarja.
450 points, ended December 29, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
thanks for reading
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Good write here
I find your piece screaming for atention one has been denied for so long yet in knowing what it is we should do but using the aduse from days past as a crutch to stay alone and afraid .Only ourselves can move forward and be the person we long to be
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well, screaming for attention? not sure. just a release. jealousy is something very damaging to your life. it binds you and makes you look at people differently. its not about just envying them over looks, its also happiness and freedom to be ones self. something i have always found it hard to do with the people that keep coming into my life. as for the jealousy issues, i hate them. immensely. it confines a person so badly. but once they are there, it is like having your eyes open to what is around you, and once your eyes are open it is hard to shut them. almost nearly impossible. then it makes you a sad lonely person inside. bitter even. hate it.
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I really enjoyed the content of this poem, I'm just picky about not caping I's and I'd change 23 to the written form, but I'm picky lol. Stands good on it's own!
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lol. picky
thats ok. it was a fresh write, so all the edidting will come when i'm bored enough. the twenty three thing is debatable, so i'll leave it as is for now. but i appreciate your honesty dear. 
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it all works well apart from the fourth stanza which reads awkwardly. Certainly expressed the emotion well and like the last stanza, especially the way you have written the last line
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This had very nice rhyming and an awesome message. I think though that you should add a little more personality. Maybe a little less imagery you know? I mean don't take anything out, but add some about her mind you know?
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yeah, i agree with it needing more also, but that is what i am stuck with til i can figure what could possibly go with it more. maybe a couple more stanzas, ya think? i do agree though. just one of those things you keep starin at til it finally hits ya like a brick.
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Very Powerful
But remember, charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, so in the end, there's got to be more to a person than just looks. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
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great work. The poem brings out the author's thoughts very well indeed. I liked the first stanza the best; just a thought - why did you go with "i smile, i greet, 'it's pleased to meet'" rather than "i smile, i greet, 'i 'm pleased to meet'"?
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wonderful job in here!both rhythm and style are equally challanging!well done indeed!keep it up and good luck in the contest!
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