as the train rushes through the tunnel
all that's caught on the panes of windows
are streams of lighting flashing
dashing through the snow
the pains felt in the feet;the rain will not let up until defeat
window streamers were strolling across the medians of each car
attempting to pulverize the doors with penetrating droplets
next stop is...
stormy weather races the tracks
evade this packed nuscian is not likely
crowed...
the steady stream of passengers has me feeling choked up
like nooses around blacks
eroded and crack
ceilings at every stop
where i'm headed
over populated in these areas would be an understatement
screamers streaming from the crackled choirs,
"stand clear of..."
without further notice your clothing is being attacked
steal and chrome shutters clinch tightly
one awakes
haunted because his stop has passed by
next car,while one is dreaming the other is steaming from
the under ventilated seats
sweat pours from out the pores of the whithered and poor
the stinch unbareable to ignore
guest who enters this domain are star struck from
the stream of innocence as well as from those with fringed benefits
transit transfers transporting the stream line of
solemn souls on volatile soles
this is the path i choose
these are words from a trasit transfer transporting
words through the streamer of the trains window panes
free your mind to a poet's thoughts
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I believe...
in setting the mind free. To travel through snow, rain and streamers screaming. Loved the ride this poem took me on.
Another exceptional read.
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heck of a train ride
a flood of imagery, that winds us along as if we too are
upon the train of your thoughts!
I think this would have a touch more impact &
increase the
flow of the poem if it were all left aligned.That
would strengthen the rhythums you wrote it with,
and I think that would really help improve it.
way to unleash your soul!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : )))
wonder what this poet would write if he were in a
hang glider? damn.
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first the train was going through snow a lovely image then through rain a little out of sync? yes/no? realize trains travel/move but this was a little too rapid also in 2nd fr last sentemce did you mean 'TRASIT"? have never seen/familiar with that word i enjoyed this and with minor 'clean-ups' might be a VERY STRONG POEM title=good first line=good last line=very strong thanks for sharing regards zaj
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Damn! I really, really love this piece. I think it is your best write in terms of content, imagery, flow, potential to draw the reader in (or should it be called, "pulley-ability"? lol). This is one of the best lines: "screamers streaming from the crackled choirs/"stand clear of..."/without further notice your clothing is being attacked/steal and chrome shutters clinch tightly". But is topped (I think) by this:
"the stream of innocence as well as from those with fringed benefits
transit transfers transporting the stream line of
solemn souls on volatile soles
this is the path i choose
these are words from a trasit transfer". Now honestly, this is hot. You won the gold son....lol.
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What a ride!
Rome this is easily one of your best! very descriptive
It made me think I was on that dreaded subway ride to who knows where, and all I wanted was to get the f... off! Powerful piece kid!
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lol...EXACTLY...
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Wow
Amazingly written...you're hella talented, pardon my slang. What more can I say? Nice write.
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Great Piece! I love the story that is told here. I hope my "stop" doesn't pass me by. I really enjoyed this. Keep puting out great work like you it is truely inspiring.
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