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Future Shock

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Future Shock

We were so happy, the world was carefree,
clean water and air, we had to have more,
so we lived in our space in cold apathy.
Disposable lives we bought at the store.
We never made waves, we’d simply agree,
we sat on our ass when they wanted war.
We taught our children to tolerate sin;
judging our neighbors by color of skin.

We knew it was wrong; so what did we do?
We held an election but no one would vote,
then gave up our rights to a chosen few.
We were content, with our T.V. remote,
while someone destroyed the home of a Jew
or robbed an old man by slashing his throat.
But we had our cars and plenty of gas
They just raised the price, we called them an ass.

So now we are here and think it’s profound.
Voices echo and the rain can be heard.
We crouch in the subway deep underground,
huddled in shadows we shun the absurd.
The stench of dead skin and urine abound;
the missiles were silent, when the flash occurred.
The luckiest ones are no longer here,
while those of us left are hiding in fear.

 

 

 

Author notes

Quote prompt: "if my words ever reach you I'll assume you don't care"

Ottava Rima
An Ottava Rima is a poem written in 8-line octaves. Each line is of a 10 or 11 syllable count in the following rhyme scheme:
one octave poem. abababcc
two octave poem. abababcc, dededeff
three octave poem. abababcc, dededeff, ghghghii

Art Work: World War Three Nightmare, by: ~dj-vegan

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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • echo-ink
    March 8
    Edit | Reply
    Holy...
    Why isn't this in my contest????

    Grrrrrrrrrr




  • A m b r e a
    November 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    perfect perfect perfect!!!! I love this!!! Us lazy, fat Americans...I do sometimes think that we are not much smarter then apes, as most of us sit and pick our asses, as the world goes to shit. Well done!
    Thank you for entering and good luck!


  • Never Fall in Love
    January 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Now this is astounding. Almost shames me that I'm sitting on my ass as well and reading poetry. The ending of your poem reminds me of one of my favourite books ['48 - by James Herbert]
    Though the rest of the story is completely different and hardcore reality! There is definitely no questioning of rhyme and flow

    Never ♥


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    January 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    ****

    beautiful work my dear sis! I am quite surprised to find that you had entered makes me impressed by this piece and happy to see a familiar face amongst the entries, I loved this you did a wonderful job on this and am glad that you entered to begin with! You have quite a lot to saw for those few carefully chosen words great job!


  • mcw120588
    January 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very different take on the prompt here from the other writers and even from what i think i might have said i was looking for. your use of form is excellent and your rhymes flawless. as far as content i enjoyed the story throughout of the war and destruction and the general hopeless situation. your critique of humanity is plain and blatant. excellent job thanks for the entry!


  • Ellis gold member
    December 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    What can you say about something this good?

    How can anyone be such a perfect writer?
    ----------


  • Desire gold member
    December 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Holy Moly!!

    Love this form You have penned this Powerful piece in and what images brought to tattoo the psyche

    These lines grabbed~~
    We taught our children to tolerate sin;
    judging our neighbors by color of skin.

    We knew it was wrong; so what did we do?
    We held an election but no one would vote,
    then gave up our rights to a chosen few.

    So many just watch as the world passes by...
    and tolerate the abuse...by turning
    their heads...

    Thank You for sharing Your Talent and voice!
    Best wishes to You in the contest Sweet Soul
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • penman gold member
    December 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Powerful

    Wow, to capture world war 3 in an ottava rima, truly incredible. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Ithica silver member
    December 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hard core reality here! Some of us had better get a grip! Or sit back and watch everything blow up in our faces... The "biggest" problem? (IMHO) Isn't that no one cares, it's that everyone cares more about what's in it for them, and to hell with anyone else. When you can't get past ME, ME, ME, it's hard to view the world compasionately, because it is out to get you! And it will, eventually...


  • JohnnyD gold member
    December 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    some sit on their ass, but not all. Kill them all, let God sort them out.



    len


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    December 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The luckiest ones are no longer here,
    while those of us left are hiding in fear.


    Very true..and perfectly penned as well..well done..


  • PerVirtuous
    December 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This kicks ass... I smell a winner here... What a great mirror you hold up to not only society as a whole, but to each of us as individuals! Great work. Love it.


  • Griswold gold member
    December 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderfully written poem on the state of affairs in this screwed up world. Very well done Amera, and in great form as usual. Scott


  • Jimfre Talbent
    December 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think this piece speaks quite accurately to the current state of affairs. I understand the comparisons you are making with the "disposeable lives" to the final, apocolyptic, vision.

    I think where people may get tripped up is on the transitions. It is not as though there are major gaps in your timeline, just that sometimes people want them filled in on thier behalf.

    You write this within a structure. If people can understad that, then they will understand you didn't have all day to give a history lesson.

    I say, BRAVA!

    • Amera gold member
      December 25, 2007

      Edit | Reply
      What a wonderful and intelligent comment. Thank you for reading my poem. Your understanding of formal poetry is well above average.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    December 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very powerful piece rhyme and scan as perfect as I expected, but maybe it is the subject matter because something just doesn't quite do it for me in this one.

1 - 18 of 18