Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Staircase of problems

I keep on running
Running from it all
All my problems
Problems without solutions

Every time I outrun one
Another comes
The damn staircase
Never ends

I go up,up,up
Yet my eye
Cannot see the top
The problems

Are killing me
Slowly
Sucking my energy
Until I give up

On finding the end
Of my problems
Finding the end
Of the staircase

I    M    P    O    S    S    I    B    L    E

A contest entry

Any hints to improve?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Ja Vorbesc
    December 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Reminds me of something I know only too well...
    The usual periods at the ends of sentences comes up again in this in the 3 stanza. Is it "The top/of the problems..." or "The top./the problems\..." If it's the first, then the next stanza doesn't make sense. If it's the second, it seems weird to separate the first line from the rest of the train of thought continued in the next stanza. "On" finding the end doesn't seem right. What's the 'on' for?

    Once again, beautiful, thought-provoking poem, and once again I'm sorry to be so critical.


    • Deezee
      December 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Its the second because the whole point of this poem is that the last stanza complets the first one of the next one


  • walkinthereign
    December 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I really like this write!

    I feel that I have way to many problems too. Sadly the more we run away from them the further we get from the light!