The Glass that Surrounds Me by Ephiphany at All poetry

I can feel you,

before entering the room

your soul touches mine

filled with love, compassion, memories

of what was...what is...or what's to be

your arms around me

embracing my every thought

of you I taste

the sweetness of honey

in this life I thank God

for Blessing me,

with such a wonderful man

who loves me inside...out

no matter what comes my way

there you are to save the day

my Love...my Endless treasure

of what I stored for life

within my heart

I'm thankful in being

Your Wife

Author notes

To My First Love...
My support...My husband Mo

In a list

A contest entry

A Christmas Challenge - Priceless Gifts by thelordreigns. 900 points, ended December 26, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Anniversary Celebration by Asylaarix. 500 points, ended March 25, 2008, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
100 th GROUP CONTEST; by Dove by Partners In Crime. 900 points, ended April 12, 2008, 126 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Please tell me what you think

Comments

1 - 20 of 20

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
CelticQueen
March 25, 2008

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Congratulations on winnng the gold
Will you permit me some critical comments? If not, then please just ignore them.

The first part of the poem was truly magnificent, up to the sweetness of honey in this life. Your words were evocative and original. After that, I felt it tended to descend into cliches. For example:

I thank God
for Blessing me,

no matter what comes my way
there you are to save the day

my Love...my Endless treasure

Now, there's nothing wrong with thanking God, but this is not a particularly original or poetic line. The next set of lines sounds like Mighty Mouse. Sorry, but that's what I thought of when I read it. And the last is, again, not particularly original. The two lines following 'endless treasure' are awkward to read and could stand some revision.

As I said, the first half of the poem was wonderful. I don't feel like the second half lived up to the promise, though. celtic queen
- Ephiphany
  March 25, 2008
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  Critique allowed,
  and I want to thank you for this.
  I am here to learn and I appreciate your points, I will consider them as I proceed in my journey in writing.
  Thanks Celtic.
  
  Ephiphany
scentedrose
March 24, 2008
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embracing my every thought
of you I taste
the sweetness of honeydews (slash off "dews?")

really what you need is to add breaking points. Periods and whatever is neede.
The lack of breaking points make it a bit hard to follow.
- Ephiphany
  March 25, 2008
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  Ok,
  thanks, I appreciate your critique.
scentedrose
March 24, 2008

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Beautiful choice of background
the black magnifies the photo and I love the picture you chose.
The font color is great and
I love the end of the poem.

But you should really consider editing.
rearranging words, something.
I so hope you win a trophy.
- Ephiphany
  March 24, 2008
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  Hi,
  could you be more specific about the 'editing'?
  Thank you, I'm open for suggestions, if you don't mind.
  
  Ephiphany
Poetic Tasha
December 30, 2007

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awe sissy i lubb this, its so sweet and loving and ...well it's just awesome

Tasha
- Ephiphany
  December 30, 2007
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  Thank you sissy poo
Virginia Logsdon
December 28, 2007
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Lovely!
This speaks very nicely of your love for each other.
- Ephiphany
  December 28, 2007
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  Thank you so much Virginia
  I appreciate you stopping by today.
  ephiphany
ennovy
December 28, 2007

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Beautifully Penned God Daughter
This is a most beautiful piece of poetry. I could feel your words of love, its something so real you make me see another side of you. This is a excellent write & read...your words flowed just like warm honey.........novy
- Ephiphany
  December 28, 2007
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  awww Thank you Godmother Novy
  you are so sweet...stay loveable I appreciate your support more than you know.
  Much love,
  ephiphany
thelordreigns
December 26, 2007

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This is beautiful and full of your love and devotion and passion. What a wonderful gift for your beloved. Thank you for this fine entry dear friend.

- joanne
- Ephiphany
  December 26, 2007
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  Thank you for the invite.
  Happy New Year Joanne
  
  e
Mykeee
December 26, 2007

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How great it must feel to be able to still have these feelings for a man that you said I will to. I am with. Stay you because you are lucky to be able to still love this way. I envy you. Iwish I could have a woman that could express that and mean it to me after all these years. ~ Michael
- Ephiphany
  December 26, 2007
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  Thanks again love
  it's all in the Heart
  
  Ephiphany
raingoddess
December 26, 2007

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Beautiful
This is a beautiful tribute to your husband, your words speak of your devoationa d love that you hold in your heart for your husband, he is a very lucky man to have a woman to love him like that, I hope he knows how lucky he is, excellent write sis, thank you for sharing and keep them coming.

raingoddess
- Ephiphany
  December 26, 2007
  
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  awwww....sis
  Thank you so much, yeah I had one of my "mushy" moments on this one but this is me...all day long in the flesh and heart of me lies my husband in dedication
  I appreciate your support and comments.
  
  Lady
Poetry and I Inc
December 25, 2007

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Well, this was evident of Mo before even reading the Author's Notes my dear. What a beautiful and heartfelt tribute to the man of your life. In all seriousness KaPricia, this was just beautiful wording. Keep doing you sis. Proud of ya. ;P

~Inc."
- Ephiphany
  December 25, 2007
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  Thanks sis
  you know me too well...glad it is you that I share this with. Always appreciate you and for being her with me.
  
  ephiphany