Wallpapers run up the walls
in fear, and our words
join the dinosaurs in museums.
Hours keep gesturing
the end of this ice age
and a cuckoo in the cage of time
hums to keep our spirits high.
Our feet, nailed to the carpet,
cannot tap to their rhythm
and the knuckles of the right hand,
have been locked in the left.
Only words knew the location of the key.
Now we can think of no other way
to look casual.
That something has happened
is no more a secret.
A contest entry
- Realism by Tangled Angle.
450 points, ended December 30, 2007, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Great
Really nice mood and I really thought you set it well. My faveorite part was:
Our feet, nailed to the carpet,
cannot tap to their rhythm
and the knuckles of the right hand,
have been locked in the left.
Only words knew the location of the key.
I feel the anxiety rushing in the words. Great job and best of luck in your writing future. -
Very good
Your words enter my mind resonate there and force me to feel their weight. Life is an illusion created with the smoke and mirror that emotions conjure and promote and what you perceive is relevant to your angle of view. Your descriptive use of the English language and your suburb imagery are second to none.
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brilliant evocation of tension and anxiety, words becoming obsolete, time being stolen 'a cuckoo in the cage of time' and a feeling of being trapped. The imagery is really effective
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I liked the line "Only words knew the location of the key." because that is all anyone ever does anymore is just talk; the inability to move almost has to be deliberate, to think otherwise is to condemn greed to a far greater ignorance. (LOL)
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A cuckoo in the garden of time!
You pen such elegant and thought provoking phrases.
It is not surprising that this was a prize winner.
Jim -
Well done.
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hmm...uncertain.
first impression?...I'm unsure whether to class this as a red threat level poem, or an orange threat level poem...
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