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Fire

Okay
I'll go for the eggs, I say
But I wasn't aware that today
Something will mess my day
Destiny, why betray?
Fire takes his way
My mind, my place, you take them away
And alone I pray
"I'm guilty", I daresay
Tears on my skin tray
Blinded by coughing gray
You break, destroy, don't let me stay
And my brain supports all of its weigh
As I am guilty, the tyrant I obey
A shameless child I was for they

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • SmartBrick
    June 13, 2008
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    Good...In a horrible type way!Thanks for entering my contest!And good luck!

  • neel pakhi
    May 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    so much rhyming

  • ea silver member
    April 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Okay, this is good for a first try and it certainly is erratic but I would want to see in this contest is something other than just the one sounding rhyme at the end of each line.


  • Sinnastarr silver member
    December 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very good poem. I must say I enjoyed it very much. You rhymed really well here and the elagence of this poem really shines threw. Also, you portrayed your thoughts well and truly captured a moment in time. The lines "My mind, my place, you take them away
    And alone I pray
    "I'm guilty", I daresay
    Tears on my skin tray" really stand out for me.
    Again, well done.
    Thank you so much for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck.


  • adios muchachos gold member
    December 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Let's make a deal!

    You tell me where I screwed up La Repisa and I'll tell you what I think of this! ¿De acuerdo?lol

    John

1 - 5 of 5