I don't want to dance
in her smile
nor hear myself echo
from her quiet chamber.
I fear her pain.
Author notes
Word Count: 20
In a list
A contest entry
- Lie To Me by Friday.
300 points, ended December 25, 2007, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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...congrats on the gold...excellent...
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i missed this somehow
i am glad i found it
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Very Good
I don't want to dance
in her smile
nor hear myself echo
from her quiet chamber.
I fear her pain.
Interesting assembly of words in this
Congradulations on the Gold
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Ha. I recognize these colours.
I hope yesterday wasn't too disastrous for you, lady.
We'll dance in snow someday, I think, cuz well, that sounds fun to me ..even better than rain.
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The writing is very beautiful and the poem flows so very well.
I just don't quite understand what the lie is. I am sure that it is about a girl who has suffered a lot of pain and is (maybe) hiding it from the world, but beyond that I am not sure. There are possibilities that come up in my head, but it is very unclear.
Still, the poem is beautifully written. Best of luck to you in the contest!
~Memoirs
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It's powerful and moving and I love your words. I love the way you string them together. It's a great and profound write for 20 words.
My only issue is (not with you... I'm the dummy here) I don't understand what the lie is?
lol. Go me. -
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Don't feel bad, I don't get it either.
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There are three lies actually, which dilute down to one. It is a lie to oneself, of everything said. Still can't see it?
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Thank you for putting the word count in your authors notes, it makes things a lot easier. Now, even if you hadn't written that in a font I've come to know is practically your signature, I'd know it was you, Kate
You have a way of writing that is completely unique but still relatable Thanks hun, for a stunning piece.
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I forgot your clappies ~ here they are... x
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So deep and immensely profound. I was captured by the sheer meaning of this excellent write...x Blessings to you in this contest. Love and light, ButterflySecrets.
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