`
i.
Hands are furnaces
of a souls fire,
burning silence
and signalling a heart
'I felt the grip of
passion and surrender'
ii.
A couple of words
overrides our friendship
'I do' -
signifies a vow
and locks a promise.
iii.
your words
like jokes - half meant,
scribbling soft letters of smile
iv.
You shape me
in this corrugated world,
lighting my half lit star
for a few seconds
of significance
`
Author notes
Written December 23, 2007
A contest entry
- ~ she paused, squinting at the sky ~ by Heart Sutra.
2200 points, ended January 5, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Invite Only: Favorites by Lj-.
600 points, ended March 4, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Telling title
very apt for this poem. ii & iii are your strongest, most evocative statements.
iv
"lighting my half lit star"
I would choose:
(exploding) my half lit star" because of the connotations of both a nova and consummation.
or (igniting) my half lit star because of its broader connotations.
-
"your words
like jokes - half meant,
scribbling soft letters of smile"
What a deep and powerful poem you've penned! Very nice job. Always a joy to read the musings of your brilliant mind.
-
Excellent penning here. This was a treasure to read!!!!
-
Very nice.
-
this is beautiful..
congrats on the HM..
only suggestion
soul's fire....
-
Well Done!
All I can add is that the reason I've never taken these on is that I could never do them like this.
Congrats
-
These vignettes are all very powerful. My favorite, the first. Have I ever felt these "hands". They "grip" tightly. Your last stanzas wrap this wondrous poem up like an expensive present of Truth for all readers to inhale. I am sure most can identify with these well placed words, and feelings. Exquisite!
Thank you for this entry in Zayra's contest. I wish you the best.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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To me the last two vignettes were the most powerful and I agree with Zayra, they can stand as a poem on their own. This is beautiful poetry, my friend and you are really coming into the light with this poetic form.
~ Nicolette
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The last section is so powerful and really well done. It could even stand on its own!
Beautiful, as always.
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i really FELT this one
great writing
elaine
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i absolutely love vignettes- and when you do them
you do them so beautifully-
wonderful job
m
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Wow!!
This is a Powerful piece You have penned
You shape me
in this corrugated world,
lighting my half lit star
for a few seconds
of significance
Love the presentation of this piece my Friend
The energy grabs the reader hard~~
Thank You for sharing Your Talent!
Best wishes to You in the contest Sweet Soul
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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'iii.
your words
like jokes - half meant,
scribbling soft letters of smile'
Love that stanza - the rest is phrased well but doesn't hit as strong as that one. The wording is a little light hearted but not intense.
Simple and stunning but the affect effect isn't as gripping as third stanza
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Wonderfully written.
You have made a beautiful use of metaphors and words.
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Excellent
Terrific wording and descriptions. Best of luck in the contest.
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Bravo! This is a very beautiful write, my friend! The 3rd part is excellent... so is the last stanza! Great writing from your pen... I just have a teeny-weeny suggestion
"'I do' -
signifies a vow
and lock promise"
Isn't it locks a promise? A tiny typo there... this one is masterfully written. I love your poetry!! Great work.
~Namita
Merry Christmas!
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