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Thru Emerald Pools

Missing image


As tiger or butterfly may,
a little person caught my eye.
Pretty, gentle, yet wily brute...
Within me thoughts of them reside.

A little person caught my eye,
soon captured thoughts within my brain.
It took a lot to hold me back,
even doing that was insane...

Pretty, gentle, yet wily brute,
it was more than I felt I could bear...
Trapped in my thoughts and feelings,
it took my all just not to stare.

Within me, thoughts of them reside -
pulsing within. I never was sure...
the feelings - truth or hidden lies??
But now I don't care anymore.

























Author notes

Title WAS my inspiration... Twas 'Girl and An Emotion'... until I remembered there was a propmt, so now the girl has green eyes through which her thoughts are clearly cpnveyed - hence the title now

This is dedicated to my beef and the two or three years of confusion between relationships


I apologise for the short-1-syllable in line 11, but I wasn't sure whether "trapped" would be counted as one or two syllables. I'll change it if you like and I can.

Wait, I won't be able to, this is my first time on in three weeks, and the last for another three or so. Two, perhaps.

Thanks for the contest, and since identity is not discreet, I will post one more poem - about Woodford and life as it is for me right now. And one about condiments.

Cheers for reading!!

- SF
OAO

A contest entry

Feedback please! Your eyes' words help my vision... :-)

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Comments


  • Idle Mind Wondering silver member
    January 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is nice story, but its palest shade of green and lacks any simile

    thanks for the entry
    ken


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    December 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hmmm. You will need to do some work on syllable counts here.

    "it was more than I felt I could bear..." I counted 9 should only be 8

    "Trapped in my thoughts and feelings,
    it took my all just not to stare."

    Each are 7 and need to be 8 to stay within the structure.

    I will come back to this piece to peek again once you have had an opportunity to rework it.

    I am wondering too about the prompt. I am not finding much green in here with the exception of your title.

    I will come back to check on this piece later on. I think you may have a good topic here, but the piece needs some work. ~Pamela