There's a pond nearby
Fishing, canoeing...
The water gets plenty of use,
And so do the little docks.
But what about the trees?
[Those little willow trees,]
I know about the trees
Some people put them there
"For a life time of aesthetic servitude"
[My only comfort on the clear night,]
And those little willows do look nice
Bu they've got another purpose,
At least, to me.
My friends and I
Just three, them and me
[Held me in their arms...]
We took a walk when the stars were seen
And went down by the pond
I saw a shooting star...
[Never let me go...]
They saw stars, too, but I don't think
They were the same ones as mine.
A better time to make myself scarce
But I stayed.
[A living curtain.]
Those little willow trees,
My only comfort on the clear night,
Held me in their arms...
Never let me go...
A living curtain.
Author notes
This is a true story that happened to me over the summer. It doesn't sound very big, but...it was impressed into my memory.
OH! And for the contest: option 9. Thank you.
A contest entry
- If there were not wierd people like me, who would make you look normal? Round 1! by opaqueangel.
525 points, ended December 30, 2007, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Experience That Changed You by loveyourfate.
900 points, ended December 30, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
True story. Speak to me.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Thanks for your entry. I like the way you wrote this. I liked how you placed brackets now and then, they really helped to express emotion here. I enjoyed reading this.
-
What option is this? put in authors notes 24hr notice!
-
-
Gyaa!! Thank you for the heads-up...*goes to fix*
-
-
The parenthetical phrases make a nice internal counterpoint to the external, public images. I enjoyed revisiting them as a separate stanza/poem at the conclusion. Well done and good luck in the contest.
-
-
Thankee. The stanza-at-the-end idea I *ahem* "borrowed" from one of my friend's poems (lady voldemort- like chocolate to a diabetic) so please direct all impressed credit her way- all I did was sorta steal the ide. I recommend her poem, too, if you liked mine. It's ama-to-the-zing. Anyway, thank you again for your wishes of luck!
-Vivian
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
