The calendar gets slim and slim
Light enters into my forced eyes
My mind puts spikes in my rest
Yet it was not quiet looking here and there
As the time flows leaving me behind
My eyes dig into the background
Trying to find my precious bond
While my mind is blank about fate
I grasp my golden mine
But a mine which is not mine
Comments
-
It's a little choppy, and some of the things don't really make sense to me, like "the calender gets slim and slim" and "I grasp my golden mine". However the overall meaning is most found in the title and the second stanza.
-
Hhmmm...
its very.. choppy. you seem to use words rather strangly. i dunno, that might be the intention but it kinda threw me off personally. from the first line "slim and slim" it feels as though it should be "slimmer". Its... interesting. May i ask what is it about? and what are the feelings/meanings you are trying to portray?
Adding your comment:
