She looked cold as she laid there.
The moon concerned
lassoed the sea
and drew it up
around her
like blankets
trying to drive
away the chill.
...It only happened
to make her colder..
Author notes
option 2
A contest entry
- Farewell by Nalyn.
400 points, ended June 26, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 5 OPTION -- Prewrites allowed by Florida Sunshine.
525 points, ended July 29, 2008, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lonliness with hope in the moon by Shipwreck.
600 points, ended July 22, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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awwwww"it only happened to make her colder"
SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!
sheesh its not even noon and you already have me closed to having to break out the kleenex! stop it! *whines*
mylee -
I really enjoyed this write. I loved the line " lassoed the sea" its so original and fresh, never heard it before ! I liked the end bit as well, the blankets are usually concerned with heat and warmth - but they made her colder
Thankyou for entering and good luck -
Wow - that is a chilling write. I especially like the lines:
"The moon concerned
lassoed the sea
and drew it up
around her
like blankets
trying to drive
away the chill."
That is a powerful poetic thought! The imagery of that is over the top -- along with the metaphor behind it.
Thanks for entering the 5 Option contest ~ It was my pleasure to read your work.
Florida Sunshine
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Ah death. This is really pretty. Good imagery. I like it, though emotions would do good in here. Also, what would be nice is if you made it a little longer, and once again, emotions.
-->pia♫♪
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its an abbreviated version of a piece of short fiction i wrote called Crescent Tied.
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Too short. Not really what I had asked for...
3/5. Re-read the rules and scorings. You may re-enter if you'd like to raise that score. -
so basically you're saying that someone meant well but they pretty much got fucked in the A ?
dig it.
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i like the idea of the tide being lassoed.
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