Never found the paradise promised to me,
lost within a setting sun,
hypnotized by the colors,
begging for light.
nothing is forever,
we all have our limits,
the wishes overflow,
lost within the shadow.
as the egg hatches,
new life springs forth,
confined by nature,
released by love.
let me be your shell,
hide within this madness,
I'll love you,
warm you,
set you free.
our promises written in sand,
our sorrows in stone,
medicated and capitualated,
we have nothing,
but ourselves.
soldiers for a dying prophesy,
fighting for an epiphany,
we'll make it,
hopefully.
we'll find it,
the secrets written,
within the trees,
upon the leaves.
how to never die,
why angel's cry,
never see me,
I'm forever.
sing to fire,
sing to ice,
let me entice,
our bodies the sacrifice,
we are forever.
Author notes
basically, two lovers who wish to spent eternity together, but don't really know how. So they try to find the answer within the mortal realm.
A contest entry
- Just write for you by zochit2me.
800 points, ended January 3, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Actually not bad...
I think after the fifth stanza it kind of fizzled out a bit like you weren't quite sure how to end it and just added more to it. I don't like the ending stanza at all for some reason, can't quite put my finger on why but it sounds not right to me. I do understand it and what it is about, I just think it need a bit of work still.
Becky
Adding your comment:
