you hold me
at the edge;
any more and I will
fall
out of love.
Author notes
15 words.
Please critique.
A contest entry
- Falling by Naridill.
300 points, ended December 26, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Speak your mind.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Could be better - only because i KNOW you can. i think you could possibly try trimming it down and filling back in (make sense?). This is still awesome creative, flowing and captivating. . .but i think you could re-work it.
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Yes, it makes sense.
I was actually not as satisfied with this piece as I would have liked to be, and I think you have the right idea on how to play with it to make it better. Thanks for stopping by! Miss you these days... 
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Word choice is a little bland but the direction was captivated beautiful and different.
Thanks for entering.
Much luck.
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Loved the twist at the end - very creative and surprising - and I love that about a poem. Wonderful visuals and emotion created in these 15 words!
~ Nicolette
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I love this, sparse and fine, draws a clear picture. Well set out, so the words flow and halt with the changes. Well done, good luck in the contest.
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