I hunger for a place to belong
A place floating peacefully
On top of the serene waves...
They gently rock me to sleep.
I hunger for friends and family
People who love me and I love
Friends like the beautiful fish
In the soft blue sea, swimming
For a chance to be in the ocean
A mermaid of my own being
Swimming and belonging to the sea
The heart of desire lies in that for me.
Beautiful crisp ocean breeze
The feel of water against me
Gently wrapped in placid dreams
I hunger for the rich desire it brings.
Author notes
....
A contest entry
- immeasurable. by girl shaman.
1150 points, ended February 24, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes. by XXxXBassMeisterxXxX.
306 points, ended June 1, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What's your first impresion?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This had a beautifal metaphorical flow. It was a pleasure to read.
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ok first hunnie i suggest you change the background it hurts the eyes a wee bit :/
as for the poem; well its sweet and all but i feel there's alot you could have done to make it not so common. we all have a certain way to express our emotions through certain words so ill give you that.
"On top of the serene waves...
They gently rock me to sleep."
that was a good line but i think maybe if you had taken the idea of rocking you to sleep to another level such as maybe 'serene waves sliding above me; in a ready slumber the waves over come me' something other then the rocking idea. waves rock in general but you dont want to make it obvious all the time.
but yeah thats just my take
thank you for entering though i did enjoy reading you write!
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Great poem, I too love the water and the ocean, there is something about it that calls to the hear
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Thanks! Yeah I know. The water's amazing!
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what was the movie with the mermaid,,, 'darryl hannah' shucks was that reaally you... hehe seiously great poem good luck xx ppg
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Awww so beautiful and very loving, your heart and soul longing once again
the dream of love
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I like the metaphor you carry through this, and a great poem you made it into..
Good luck in the contest.
-Danneh<3
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