Smile like you mean it.
Make it real. make an impact.
If life's shit.
Love thats it, loose...
Ends can heal a broken heart.
Life can throw anything your way
I didn't know till....
KA BOOM!!
En'nen, it lands at your door.unexpected.unwanted.
Your hatred's making it ugly
Over growing...
Unmistakable disgust.
Maybe if you gave God a break
En'told him how much you care...
And he must just throw some luck your way
Nen' keep the "KA BOOM" away another day
Its alright isn't it...
This life that we live.
Author notes
a poem about the twists and turns of life. it was actually for a contest but then i got lost in the flow of the poem and didn't obey the rules. the line is actually from a killers song..i cant remember what one.but still it made an impact on me so i wrote a poem based on it.
i hope you like it. if you don't be nice about it. I'm not a fan of editing my poem after i posted it, so i probably won't listen to your creative criticism, unless i think i need to. but it's still appreciated . x
A contest entry
- Tory's Acrostic Challenge! by cricketjeff.
1750 points, ended December 27, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think of it? if you don't like it please tell me nicely.
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Like this a lot. It deals with its subject without getting bogged down in the negatives. Since you wont listen to creative criticism, I wont waste my time but well done!
Maybe if you gave God a break... I love that line. I would ask that you capitalise God out of respect.
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I like this poem.
I like the acrostic and good detail.
I like the bit where you said "your hatred's making it ugly"
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Although this is clearly an acrostic it looks like you may not have read beyond the contest title, The contest was for making acrostic rhyming comments.
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this is a good write. seems a bit forced tho. never mind that tho its a really good write. thank you for sharing this
Angel -
This was over-forced to fit...putting archaic sounding contractions like 'En'nen' around words like ' KA BOOM' isn't original, its weird.
also if you do an acrostic then it helps to left align it so people can read what you're tryig to spell out
i appreciate what you're trying out here but i really don't think you pulled it off
sorry, xxx -
i don't get how an acrostic could be original....
i think it was all forced around the phrase, smile like you mean it, which is an uber famous Killers lyric... -
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althought that wasn't a very happy comment, thanks anyway
btw."uber" is a very cool word!
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Wonderfull!!
This is wonderful. Well done... Keep writing, You will go far.
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cool
it was pretty good considering how young you are. I like the message, but don't think a girl like you should cuss
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thanks...
I apprieciate complements they cherr me up.
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Good piece, great closing lines from one so young
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Great poem but
God I'm sorry to be the one to say
Read the rules then come back and play
Easy to enter just say count me in
And then just let the comments begin
Take your time to write rhyming acrostics
Play with the words lets see some literary gymnastics
Only way you can win this game
Even though your poems great it's a crying shame
Maybe though theres a lesson to learn for you
Before you enter a contest you should read the rules through
Until then you don't have a chance
Time to give the rules a second glance
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WOW
I am in love
very nice 
Savina
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I loved it
this is one of the best poems about the unexpected curves in life I have ever been honored enough to read
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