I saw you watching everything but me
And listened while you whispered to each weed
Then realised that you could never see
They were the weak, but I the one in need
Again I was neglected while I grew
To be the greatest rose you ever knew
And those, the ones who then neglected you
Became your only worry while they grew
I see your smile today because they're strong
Expecting you to somehow turn and see
The strongest rose who lived forever long
Until the day you chose them over me
You knew I'd never leave you while I thrived
But you left me, so I left; I had died.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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WOW!
I really like how you compare yourself to a flower, espicially a rose. I mean, a rose is usually a symbol for love and whatever, but here you are, a symbol of love, neglected and left to die. Very well done. -
This poem definitly brought back painful memories of my childhood. I started crying when I read it! It's an absolutly amazing poem. Great job.
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thoughts
My thoughts on this take me back to a childhood where one sibling was neglected and otheres were gleamed upon. A very deep write & I am hoping my thoughts are wrong. Thanks so much for reading my poem also
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critique: remove 'had' in last line.
you know what I'll say - excellent rhyme - refreshing to read as I clearly am disappointed with so little rhyme in my contest.
My friend mike always says: roses are just dead ovaries
Never ♥
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heh, thanks for your lovely comment.. though I do disagree with your wanting to remove the 'had'. I think had needs to be there because, to me, it shows that death was the only reason I left, and even after death I tried to struggle to stay. If there was no had, it sounds to me like I just died and that was that
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i like repitition in poems well sometimes lolol
this is a wonderful poem and your imagery is fantastic very well done to ya love xxx
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I feel it necessary to explain that there is some repetition in this, and hope you understand that this is for emphasis, not lack of imagination or some negative sign.
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