(Don't worry about me too much, friends. This is not autobiographical (entirely). It's an entry for a "photo prompt" contest.)
What happened to the dreams I had
when I was young?
When did they start to die?
I didn't even notice.
I used to laugh at adults
from my lofty teenage perch.
I was so sure they were wrong
when they told me
I was being
unrealistic.
When I was young,
I exploded in every direction
like a sun.
There was a Supernova inside me.
What was strong enough
to douse that fire?
I wish I could say
it was something
catastrophic
that killed my dreams
like a runner
who dreams of Olympic glory
losing his legs in an accident.
I wish I had some excuse,
some justification
but all it was
that took me
and my dreams
down
was money.
The need to make a living.
Nothing more.
Cold, dirty money.
Were they right, after all?
The adults who told me
to stop dreaming?
To grow up?
To get my head out of the clouds?
Or had they just given in, too,
for the sake of security?
Safety.
Damn it.
I would have loved
to prove them wrong.
But here I am.
My mind turned off.
An obedient bee
returning to the hive
day after day.
But now and then,
at odd moments,
in brilliant flashes
full of the delicious sweetness
of adolescence,
he returns to me.
The kid who had all the answers.
The kid who was going to be somebody
and contribute something valuable to this world.
Like the scent of something sweet
carried on the wind from far away,
he checks in
to see if I'm still alive.
I feel him waiting for me
to come to my senses
and live again.
In a list
A contest entry
- Let's Have a Little Fun, Shall We? by joyya.
900 points, ended December 31, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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You sometimes wonder if everyone in the world wonders what happened to the kid inside, or is it just the ones with the poetic minds. I would so love to be that kid again, to have the chance to be the adventurer I thought I'd be. It wasn't money that killed my dreams, it was life and dare I say it (here goes that emotional nudist camp thing) marrying someone who had no sense of adventure at all, and letting him stifle mine.
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i like this because it holds so much truth. i think that everyone loses the dreams they had when they were little. i have to admit even i at my young age have given up on so much, that i didnt realize or have a reason for. great write =D
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Sorry for such a long comment. It looks like a kind of rant to me now but I couldn't help it.
Thank you so much for sharing this poem!!
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This is what I've been dreading for a couple of months now and it hits hard reading it all so clearly. I was this dreamy 17-year old who wanted to do loads of things, without ever considering the practical glitches because I believed that they just get resolved by themselves as long as I am enthusiastic enough about what I want to do. Now, almost 20, having lived alone in a different country and continent altogether for a year and a half, having faced all that I never really thought about, I am kind of scared. Of course, I made the initial decisions based on those early ideas but now, I don't feel the same optimism anymore. One day, I even realised with a jolt how much my "ambitions" have changed, how much I've decided to give up in that chase for what people call material success or a good, safe career and what not, which is also partly influenced by peer pressure. It's not easy to cherish your own dream of making a difference or doing something good, when everyone around you is just running after that good, solid MBA or maybe something similar and then, a corporate lifestyle. I've been thinking so much about this and now this poem has totally petrified me, especially that metaphor about the obedient bee. It's so true, so scary. I'm bookmarking this, printing this (I hope you don't mind - I'll be printing this directly from the site. So, your name will be there ) and I'm going to read it again and again. I need to keep myself back on my old track.
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WOW
this write.. is.. awesome -
Mark,
When we are young we dream to fulfill our future, when we are old we dream of the good old days....but always there is possibility to exercise our minds and hearts....to love. God knows there are challenges we never expected.
Remember Richard Bach's handbook for Messiahs?
I read what you write and fall into magical places I've never been, and know that we are comprised of an amazing spirit, where sometimes "being fictional is more real than bodies and heartbeats."
You still dream, and you draw the events of your life; it will be love that moves you to choose what to do with them.
Karen
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Lovely observations, and the mirror reflection from young to older and back again, are as if the learning process was ongoing, very enjoyable write!
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How quick we are to put the wonder of youth behind us... and we often make the mistake of tucking our dreams away with it... it doesn't have to be so, but then you already know that, don't you?
Beautifully penned, Mark.
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So sad and full of longing. We all have asked ourselves this question, what happened to the dreams of youth? Lost in everyday living I guess. Great write, loved it! Thank you for entering my contest.
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VERY GOOD!!!
I haven't given up either, Mark, but it's damn irritating when the fascist city of New Haven - home of Yale, no less - runs off with your car because you got sick and couldn't afford the back taxes. Makes you wanna kill a cop, you know? And to tell you the truth, I love cops! What it really makes me wanna do is kill the damn mayor and every Yalie I see! They have everything so they value none of it. Cute, huh? It's, once again, the story of the haves and the have nots. Oh well. At least there's chicken, right? And (if you think about it) has chicken ever lied to you? It HAS?! Well, it never lied to me, Mark! I GUESS THAT MAKES YOU WEIRD, MAN!!! - oce
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You can't trust chickens either, Oce. They're treacherous. Oh, they may look innocent but it's all a ruse. lol
Sorry to hear the Yalies are giving you such a hard time, at Christmastime no less. Bastards.
Thanks for checking in. Nice to hear from you.
Mark
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Well Mark...you struck a chord here for all of us as usual. You do have a way of tapping into the universal collective. Although i still am perpetually trying not to give up on my dreams and find that little girl inside of me so full of hope for love and life's treasures. Merry Christmas my friend...suzy
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Hi Suzy,
MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope you're having a wonder-full day.
I'm sure the child in you will never die. Your spirit is too strong to let that happen. I'm equally sure your dreams will come true because you're a fighter, and that's what it takes. I don't know if you read this one before but here's another poem you may enjoy in my "Inspirational" list called On Looking Through Old Photographs that you may enjoy.
Love,
Mark
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Well done!
"Except ye be as little children, ye shall not enter the kingdom of heaven."
We've all got to keep "the kid" in us alive. It's the part of us that makes life worth living..it's the child in us that falls in love and imagines all the wonderful things that change our world.
Great poem, Mark! The child in me salutes the child in you! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Namaste!
<3 Maureen
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Merry Christmas, Maureen. Thanks for the salute. lol All the best in 2008.
Mark xo
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Two thumbs up
I like this... It hits home really hard right now. I had the chance to either support the man I love in following his dream... or tell him "don't do that degree in sound engineering! Being a music producer is unrealistic! Fall back on your business management degree" I chose to tell him, "Hey, u have a shot at your dream... Take a crack at it!" ... Now he's a million miles away in England and I'm in Trinidad (C'bbean) and we miss each other!!!!! But I just keep hoping that maybe he can prevent some regret in his older years if he takes this chance now. I don't want him to feel the way I do every time I see my manuscript on the shelf. I'm still waiting to be a poet... in the mean time, I'm doing the secure thing. Teaching. I love your metaphor of the bee Mark. Loved it! It dead on. Obedient little workers... unless we steal moments of creativity for ourselves... we become drones.
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Marissa,
What you did is the most loving thing anyone can do - encouraged him to pursue his dream despite what you want. There are a lot of people in this world who do the opposite. They discourage the one they're supposed to love for their own selfish reasons, but helping each other grow and achieve dreams is the best way to show love for someone, not crippling them. I'm sure he loves you all the more for it, and you'll be back together someday. He'll be in a higher place in his life then and he'll thank you for encouraging him to go for what he really wants, not some second best alternative.
Merry Christmas and may 2008 shower you with all the blessings you deserve.
Love,
Mark Rickerby
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Interesting journey into the self..... good time of year for it.... Take care..
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I just added a comment at the top of this poem so my friends don't worry about me too much. This is a photo prompt contest entry, actually. I'm doing okay. The kid is there but he doesn't harass me too much. As you and everyone else who knows me is aware of, I'll never grow up. lol
Merry Christmas!
Mark
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Very nice
You did suffer a terrible loss... and it was tramatic. The worse thing in the world happened. Your youth died. It got killed by age. It was lost in days. And now your remembering only the rememberance of your past. And in time... that too will fade. Until only the life that is around you will remind you of your youth. And in that time of reflection, you will again live through the life of your children and their children. Occasionally, remembering the ball you tossed...but not to whom you tossed it. Occasionally remembering the girl you kissed, but not what she looked like. Perhaps even remembering your first love. But, not what it felt like.... -
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Thanks for your response to this, Chuck. Claudia and I were both very touched by it. Don't worry about me too much, though. It was a "photo prompt" contest entry. It is partly true because I can never find enough time to write, but life is good.
Thanks, buddy. Hope you're having a nice weekend. Merry Christmas to you and your gal.
Mark
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"When I was young,
I exploded in every direction
like a sun.
There was a Supernova inside me.
What was strong enough
to douse that fire?"
Ahhh...Nothing ever could, my Friend. I still see the young dreamer, soul aflame, within your words, your humor, your intensity. Yes, survival demands much of our time & energy; I'm gone 12-14 hours a day through the week. I've been on my own since I was 15-16 (really, before). I've kept my head in the clouds & my feet on the ground, moving forward whenever it was possible. As for "dealing with reality", I always inquire, "WHOSE ~ yours or mine???" We do what we must in order to exist. Then we do what we can in order to dream. He's waiting for you, Sweetie. He knows you remember. This is a poignant, tender & thoughtful piece, dear Scribe. I wish you joyousness...now & evermore. 
Wanda
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"We do what we must in order to exist. Then we do what we can in order to dream." Perfect. Thanks for your kindness, Wanda, as always, and thanks for recognizing him.
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Can't hep mahsef, Scribe. The lil' girl in me still screams "Yeeeeeee hawwwwwwww" even whilst me ol' bones creak, moan & groan. 
Yes, I do believe we'd have had a blast & a half, had we met as children. Perhaps we will, on the other side of this dream. You're always welcome, Marky L. 
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WOW, this is amazing and so true. As adults our responsibilities become our reality and takes priority to our dreams and we tend to lose our wonder. I believe life is about balance, and here, finding the balance of reality and making dreams reality. I wish you well in this!
blessings
Michelle
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That's for sure, Michelle, but by that measure, my life is completely out of balance. Work has become dominant. There's a commercial that plays a lot on my favorite talk radio station that uses an old Tony Bennett song to sell whatever it is they're selling. I never pay attention to the commercial but the song asks, "Are you having any fun? Whatcha gettin' out of living? Other people do. So should you. Have a little fun!" And it always reminds me that work has become dominant. It doesn't help that I have an actor friend who has been living on his wits for the past 20 years. He's always in debt and danger but his life is adventurous. I'm hoping to get a book published soon. Maybe that will free me up finally to do the things I love to do. I'd love to show Claudia Italy soon before we're old duffers. lol
As always, thanks for being among the first to respond to my writes, and for your kind and wise words.
Mark
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This poem is very sweet and adorable and quite touching in its candid innocence and purity of expression, withiout all the clever poetic emebllishments. A read delight to read and ponder, Keeo uo the wonderfuk works.
David
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