Thought Provoking Insomnia

I don't understand these annoyances and I don't understand you anymore,
I don't understand my way of life and I only remember lying on your bedroom floor.
Was that when everything went wrong, when I let you get so close to me?
Or was it when I decided you were right, that you made me be who I ought to be?
Giving me the courage, the strength to fight and become myself again,
Only to sit awake at night and remember the scarlet kiss, the taste of pain.
I've realized your my best friend, the only one that's always there.
And yet now we have to be apart, and sometimes I feel like no one cares.
But when I need your voice to soothe my broken heart I call,
And when I really need you there to pick me up when I fall.
I find you, and no one else is there for me like you are,
To care for me like noone else and be worried with every new scar.
You helped dig deep and find me, the real me you have never heard of until now,
The giggling, stupid, do-anything-to-make-someone-smile me; your asking how?
In the bin with the addictions to drugs, lust, hate and more uncontrollable, pain,
Putting down the blade, never to touch to confine in it's embrace again.
And yet, on my own, I gave into it's loving kiss and sliced away.
Only to regret it when someone noticed the blood on my bedsheets the next day.
I don't understand what caused me to lose myself in it's ability to takeaway hate,
But let's just say I understand for my own souls sake.
I was alone, no one there to comfort me in my time of need,
So my only other answer was to confide in the blade to help me bleed.
The last thing I remember; Lying on your bedroom floor,
And sadly as it is, I liked you before you were a myspace whore.
Keeping me awake some nights trying to figure out who I was without you,
Would have I been a teenage junkie high on suicide? Oh how you would have never knew.
The idiotic fuck wits I once called friends breaking you down deep inside,
I shouldn't have let them, but instead I just chose to run with you and hide.
I'm sorry, I should have stood up and given them a taste of the old me,
But I stopped, Only because you make me who I oughtta be.