As home is hedged in with relentless snow
I'm falling into a dismal twilight,
inside the hollow of a whirlpool mind.
Beneath the iced cathedral lens of soul
to stand inside the bleak myopic space,
isles of shattered cups and broken spoons.
A smile is just not me, not today
As barrels of hell, waxed over my soul,
leaving me twisted, wrought inside the kiln.
Cascades of vipers, slither to the room
as my flesh sears off these broken bones,
I fall, seemingly forever-- As I watch...
The shadow of the day crosses my view,
as the darkness descends-- Rip me apart.
Author notes
decasyllable blank verse,
(10 syllables per line, unrhymed)
A contest entry
- Smile? by Exodus.
525 points, ended January 18, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Let me know How this makes you feel, what do you think?
Comments
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I think the ending could have been more out there. You kind of played it safe with that one. But it was certainly a treat to see someone who could pull off this form without making it seem staccato and forced. Thank you
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Thank you for the insight, and the lovely comment, I will work on a re-write at a later date. Thank you for a fun contest that fit my melancholey.
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