I walk this life within my mask
Hiding the real me deep inside
Incognito from the world who see's
The man I am who still hides
Afraid to then let other see
What lives within my heart
For pain has walked along my road
From the ending to the start
I hide from love and its pain
The loss that I have known
For a broken heart is my price
For the time when love was shown
Yet still I reach out with love
And risk the pain it brings
And hope that love will find me
And that true love will ring
A contest entry
- 'Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--' by HeavenScent4U.
700 points, ended January 7, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Your poem is full of pain and hurt, so a lot of emotion is conveyed here. I love that you did this in couplets but there are a few things you could have worked on here. You have hit on one of my biggest pet peeves here and that it beginning each line with a capital letter when it doesn't seem to me it is the beginning of a new sentence or thought process. That always serves as a stumbling block to me for when I see a capital letter, I start reading it as a new sentence and it isn't. Also, I think you over used the word "and" here. you could have used commas or just left that word out all together in a few places.
This conveyed powerful emotion but I think if you worked on it, it could be a much better piece.I think you could have dug a little deeper on this one. Just suggestions from my own learning, take what you can use, leave the rest behind
Thanks for entering and good luck. Be well and be blessed
Rules: 10
Presentation: 9
Spelling, grammar, and punctuation: 18
Originality: 18
How well you handled the prompt: 18
Overall: 18
Total: 91
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Forever searching for the one love that's meant to be. There are many emotions held within your words.
Best wishes to you in the contest.
Margaret
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Sooo well done..
you men are truly impressive.
Best wishes in the contest..and coming New Year!
*PEACE*
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I can't imagine anyone breaking your heart.
You are probably the kindest most creative man I have met ( granted it's a meeting via the internet lol )
The heart ache within you comes out in the words you so creatively pen.
You are a an awesome poet and a wonderful man.
God Bless You Always!
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The sentiment is very strong, I can relate in some aspects.
-Min- -
Oh yes... I know your pain!! This poem is like a reflection of how I feel right now so it spoke to me in a very loud voice!!
Wonderful writing as always, you truely are an inspiration to me!
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Things will get better! You've just got to learn not to hide away everything because that just makes things worse.
Great work and good luck in the contest, Dad!
Always,
Cassie
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You aren't alone!
I think there are a few of us around that can recite the words you've written here. And hope for the same ending too.
Nicely done hun. Best of luck in the contest.
Storm
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AHHHH I hope you find someone That will treat you good. Excellent write dear this is Beautifully written from the heart
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