As I walk along the street
I see a stranger walking ahead of me
tripping over her pants and I smirk slightly
but then she trips and falls and my smirk stops and turns to pure awe
after hours of talking with grows a bond
then after longs days spent together the bond turns to love
then as you stand and kiss me under the streetlight
will your kiss continue as the light fades
or will my hands fall to my sides as they have no substance to hold
and will you have faded to nothingness as your love disappears
will I fall onto the walkway with no one to help me up
and if we do get somewhere will you still be there for me to lie upon the bed to kiss your neck
or will you slap me senseless as if I were some stranger then walk away
as I breathe secrets of my self into your ear will you stay and listen or walk away in pure disgust
then as I kiss you and hold you against me will you push me away
or will you cuddle up against me
then as the light flickers back on will you stand there and look me in the eyes
or will I be looking at your back as you walk away from me
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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That was a great poem.
I really enjoyed it.
:] -
Very touching, I guess I like the two line thing, makes it read through easy,anyway, good job!
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Wow!!
This is such a touching poem for me... I think you did an amazing job... well done! -
i like it very much, don't get me wrong..
but the thing that spoils it are the "and"'s...other than that i like it! -
You simply have to many filler words in this poem for my liking. After a while that's all I could concentrate on were the "and" "the" words and it was very distracting.
The subject matter is good and the poem starts off good but mid-way or actually not even quiet mid-way it loses my interest due to all of those filler words.
Try tightening it up a bit and taking out un-necessary words.
Becky
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you know the answer already. hehe.
this is another one that made me cry...still sorta does when I read it...haha.
I loved it. :]
[but I love you more. haha]
-Jenn
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