`
i.
A stem of silence
appears between our lines.
An insignia
of broken dawn.
ii.
Mouth twisted words -
playing lies
and more lies.
Mistakes incurred:
'I wanted to taste
a different wine'
iii.
Tears run into words
and sentences.
She held the knob-
closing doors
to our relationship.
iv.
I waited for days
in phantasmagoria
of our bereft 'love'
and the echoes of guilt
playing as background -
crossing boundaries,
the drifting sound
of hearts.
v.
I love her -
my voice in silence,
the sugar of my taste.
`
Author notes
Written December 21, 2007
A contest entry
- peccavi et sub rosa by vertigo beat.
1750 points, ended December 30, 2007, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-writes & Fresh Writes by LadyUnique.
400 points, ended March 7, 2008, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - finding love by Hecate616.
350 points, ended March 17, 2008, 143 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite 1000 pt. Checklist by Ryno.
1000 points, ended July 18, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Feed Off Poetry. by RealitysAStory.
500 points, ended March 29, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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nicely done. good luck.
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Very nice ...
and very nicely done.
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Great work! You know with this I believe that a writer really creates good things that can evoke,. change or something without taking too much...
Thanks! You really inspire me!
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i can see why this has already won gold... it's stunning. the last two lines are killer
this definitely goes into finalists and we'll see how it does against the others
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This was a great poem, but I said 2008 poems only, therefore this cannot win. I thought you did an awesome job though. Thanks for entering, nonetheless.
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Intensely passionate
I sensed almost acidic pain and bitter regret, yet the aftertaste is more of the “sweet” of "sugar" than the salt of tears. It must be in that red-wine passion. Galing!
I like the pinch of mystery you threw on this poem by writing ‘love’ in quotation marks in Part iv. It gives me a clue to the illicitness of that “relationship” and that the hands holding the knob belongs to the other rose—or as you put it that “different wine” you wanted to taste.
Yes, like wine, there are some ‘loves’ that cannot be shared to the last glass. But hey, I believe that its spirit lives on. The thing is, it is what you do with that spirit that matters. It may manifest as a hangover, it can lead you to alcoholism, or it can be the spirit that heals. The latter must allow you to move on by learning from the lesson that like anything, tasting wine involves responsibility—like, um, don’t drink when you drive and don’t drive when you drink. And if you do, don’t get caught! Lol
See you around.
joy
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very very nice- i love the flat sounds of the final vignette- the dead pan delivery is perfect there
congrats
m
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Beautiful!
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Congrats to you on the Gold! The contest certainly was inspiring!
Lisa
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This is perfectly beautifully written...full of emotion....I most certainly would have given this a gold trophy too.
Congratulations! -
btw, i'm not sure about that last line. perhaps you can just earse it and change the other two to
I love her
in silence.
your choice in the end. -
one of my favorites in the contest. very well done. especially liked the wine stanza.
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Beautiful poem.
good luck in the contest....
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Scrap the last line or replace it & this would be spot on The emotions is direct and intense. A beautiful yet heart wrenching piece of passion.
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this is excellent..
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Excellent! poetry moves along the garden bed beneath the flourished blossom...the soil is still moist of tears...so be my thoughts to this delight
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This is beautiful poetry and I wouldn't change a thing here. I loved the entire poem - the visuals and emotions expressed here, but somehow the 3rd vignette lingered the longest in my eyes. Beautiful work.
~ Nicolette
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Wow!!
Oy!!
Powerful piece of emotions my Friend
Love how You weaved Your words and the lines:
Tears run into words
and sentences.
also
Mouth twisted words -
playing lies
and more lies.
Images stun also grab the Mind!!
Magnificent
Thank You for sharing Your Talent and Spirit!
Best wishes to You in the contest Sweet Soul
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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Pefect.
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This is just brilliant. All of this is marvellous. The last stanza is beautifully crafted. I also like this part
"She held the knob-
closing the doors
of our relationship"
But all of this is excellent. A masterpiece from your pen, Hensley. Great work.
~Namita
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