Oh God
Usually I do seek for you here and there
though I was summarized that you continue in me
maybe it is right but at the same time,It is preached that
you endure in the conducts of worthiness
while I am negligent from the worthy tries
then describe me still do you subsist in me?
I know this is very strenuous to stay on this earth
while aiming you and,I If intend you
I can't try this globe
however I do accept that you retold me to seek you
and aim this world synchronously
following the rules of the ten commandments
Oh God...
Author notes
The image perhaps refelcting when God was concieving the ten commandments...
A contest entry
- What Do You See Now ? (Round 4) by just mercedes.
700 points, ended January 5, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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thank you for your entry, and for your reaction to the prompt picture. I notice that you have edited your original poem, thank you for that. However, and this is a personal thing, my reaction is even more negative. Please do not be offended when I say that nothing offends me more than the thought of confusing the fertility of life with the sterile harshness of the god of the old testament. Perhaps this is another thanatos/eros divide.
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Do you subsist in me? My favourite part of this write. Always interesting to speculate.
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Very good
I know this is very strenuous to stay on this earth
while aiming you and,I If intend you
I can't try this globe
Intriguing, the way it mixes up the concept of God from various religions to transcend the restrictions on spirituality.
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refreshened, I'll send you something
dipositionally penned
this embodies a substratum to what something seems, whether requiring captions to figures or examples of teachings as "you endure in the conducts of worthiness" so it can be be intertwined more personal than a profession -- are we facing something outside office of public, even help.
experience of counterpoints isn't to mess musing as "I can't try this globe" with own casualness but "synchronously" with a higher standard of extending belief in what design can result around. I sunk myself into that.
[It has weight towardsadeeper way than what's propounded.]
stroking structure,
also called
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I really loved your use of language in this poem, it's eloquent and yet human in the same breath. I also thought the repetition of 'Oh God' was really effective, it made the whole poem feel kind of circular.
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"...while I am negligent...do you still subsist in me?..."...Your questioning is so human in this line...and then you give a response, "however, I do accept that you [re]told me to seek you and aim this world synchronously..." a conscious choice to remain faithful...I love this one...Best of luck in the contest. Peace, Rhonda
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