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Cool And Still

Missing image

 

 

Cold And Still

 

 

 

There’s a pool of inky blackness where the water’s cold and still,

to the clearing in the forest she returns, she has no will,

for this is where he left her when the magic took its hold

now her life is aimless, all she feels is lost and cold.

 

They wandered in as lovers on the pathway through the trees

dappled sunlight kissed them as they lay beneath the leaves,

the atmosphere electric, enthralled by all they saw

not knowing of the magic, or the forest’s ancient lore.

 

He cupped his hands that she could drink the water pure and cool,

as she drank he slipped beneath the waters of the pool,

she took the beauty of the place and never aged a day

but each year she finds she’s drawn to where the lovers lay.

 

Every year she finds she’s in that cold and lonely place

no warmth upon her skin or sunlight on her face,

to sit beside the pool on a hard and stony ground

while gazing at the water, tears fall without a sound.

 

Today she thinks she sees a distant smile upon his lips

a face within the water, dare she touch with fingertips,

cascading ripples cross the pool, her wrist is held by force

she pulls with all her might against the evil source.

 

The battle is soon over, the surface smooth and calm

just what is it that grabbed her and pulled her by her arm,

are they reunited now, their innocence no more

bounded by their love surrendered to the core.

 

The pool is cold and still once more, but life begun a new

everything is green and lush, the water deepest blue,

the canopy above your head will rustle in the breeze

the magic spell is broken, here amongst the trees.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

This poem was prompted by Cricketjeffs poem The Pool

http://allpoetry.com/poem/3727994

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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • BearWoman gold member
    June 13

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    Beautiful!

    I love this wonderfully dark sequel to cricketjeff's original, and where you have taken it. It seems lighter than his, less dark and more mythical, somehow.

    Enjoyed the read.


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      June 14

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading and commenting on my poem, I appreciate it and I'm glad you enjoyed reading.

      Sue


  • feetus
    October 20, 2008

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    Breath-taking.

    Your rhyme and flow is superb.
    Upon finishing, my throat swelled a little.
    Very well done. This is absolutely beautiful.
    Thanks for sharing it.


  • ArchOblivion
    September 7, 2008

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    Excellent rhyme and full of wonderful imagery that weaves the tale to completion. A great fantasy read. Thanks for your entry and good luck.


  • moonbumps silver member
    December 23, 2007

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    A truly superb write that captures the whole thing perfectly...Good rhyming as usual(I am persevering!)
    You always tell a good story which catches the imagination beautifully.xx


  • Quotidian Detritus
    December 22, 2007

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    I like the imagery of this. The rhyme is a bit awkward, but you make the image very real, which makes up for that small awkwardness. Very Nice,
    -Snow

  • Papagallo
    December 22, 2007

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    10

    A lot of mystery and magic here. The sadness graps at your heart. The picture is very sensious. I like the smppyh flow of your words. Have a nice Christmas


  • Dragon Tamer
    December 22, 2007

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    Tremendously Awesome!

    Hello Sue,
    This is such an awesome romantic tale, although a little sad. I think this is one of your greatest poems to date that I have read The picture is cool too. Thank you for sharing this with us and Merry Christmas to you!
    Don


  • Anthony-
    December 22, 2007

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    Such a strong and detailed piece that is truly evocative and replete with imagery ranging from superstition to nature and the body. Thank you very much for this piece - it was also nicely crafted and tuned in by your effortless pen. Please do keep writing and keep in touch. Anthony.


  • owlishhunter
    December 22, 2007

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    The flow of this is magnificent and tender, and so sad. But this is also a very complex write and I love it for that! Great job, my friend!


  • tawk gold member
    December 22, 2007

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    This is such a amazing write. What brilliant imagery and emotion. I so enjoyed reading this morning

  • amysticwriter silver member
    December 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice Sue,very deep...


  • Gwenevere
    December 22, 2007
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    How we all yearn for eternal youth, but at what cost.A cautionary tale, excellently written, Ros


  • Amera gold member
    December 22, 2007

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    This is beautiful with lovely flow and vivid image. The meter is very well done considering the length of each line. Well done!

    Love,
    Amera♥

  • Bad Bill
    December 22, 2007

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    Beautiful piece, Sue. Fantasy's not usually my thing, but you handle this with skill and style.

    Bill


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    December 22, 2007

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    The pool is cold and still once more, but life begun a new

    everything is green and lush, the water deepest blue,

    the canopy above your head will rustle in the breeze

    the magic spell is broken, here amongst the trees.

    What a great and deep poetry is here my friend..I love the immagery and the tone which is flowing like the magic of the poetic heights here..well done...





  • Quill
    December 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Nice little tale


  • Pete Greenslade gold member
    December 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    its nice to read of innocence,,when you are as corrupted as me xx

1 - 18 of 18