I saw your smile
Trembling
Wondering if it was true
I believed
And embraced it
With the smile I'll never show
I wanted to get you
Hands went together
And a fire tied them
Blood runs boiling
And eyes were closing themselves
The guitar played a lullaby
Was it unreal?
I wanted to love you
But the phoenix hurts
"I love you" you said
But your malice smile
Was transparent
And the edges among ourselves
Were feeding with strawberry
I wanted to hate you
Yet your carapace
And my thick fat survived
But scars are eternal
Stigmas hurt everyday
And everlasting energies
Are used like soldiers
I wanted to kill you
Everlasting energies
Soldiers
Diseases
Thrown away with the sun
As under the sun
Misery is present
Whips of thorns
Piercing
Hurting
Bleeding
Who's teeth?
Livers, lungs and hearts
Burning together
But the baby's hand
Still wants to reach
His mother's hand
The milk he wants
The milk
Feeding
Eyes closed
Every light is turned black
And every breath turned vomit
Yet my eyes reach yours
And my hand asks you
For food
For air
For light
Will you love me now?
I wanted to...
... die
A contest entry
- BRING Y0UR BEST by DAMSELx.
600 points, ended February 11, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Love...With a Twist by Hidden.
480 points, ended June 7, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - continuing war between love and hate 2 by Cerbie20.
1000 points, ended June 14, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Does (Verses') length really affect the wording there?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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wow, this is good. i love the wording, and verse length never really has anything to with it, its your choice on how you want the length, not other people.
But the phoenix hurts
"I love you" you said
But your malice smile
Was transparent
And the edges among ourselves
Were feeding with strawberry
i love your choice for words here, it was great! good job!
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wow big brother... i loved it... i felt the mixture of emotions
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My God this is amazing!!!!! Emotional, heart-wrenching at times, powerful, and amazing word usage. The emotions expressed here come through clear and strong through the words, and are so different from each other that they seem even stronger. (Though they do say that love and hate aren't always that far apart...)
This is your first poem in English!? wow... that makes this even more impressive.
~QoA
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By the time I wrote it... yes, the first one, considering I'm not a native English speaker (I'm Chilean).
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Great write. it was filled with emotion.
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This was very intense, very emotion-filled, and very nicely pieced together.
Great write,
Thank you and good luck!! -
First time English?
Primero, muchas gracias por su comentarios sobre mi REPISA anoche. Me alegro que era de su agrado.
I liked this TWIST! You did beautifully on the formatting, line length, and the impact of your lines was where you wanted it to be. I very much enjoyed reading it.
It is difficult for me to believe you've not tried this before, your vocabulary appears to be as vast as the skill with which you applied it.
I'm going to put you into my favorites to see what else you write.
Pa'delante!
John-Las Vegas, Nevada
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this is a very good write. thank you for sharing this. and keep up the good work hun
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