boots to the kneecaps
tap out a midday meringue.
all down the boulevard
the avant-garde drop delicate catch phrases,
snatching up earlobes.
the sun is a disco ball,
a chintzy clementine.
as i swing home on skinny limbs
to pick up a spar
left off with my face,
a flat tire flops around like the skin of a cat.
the neck of a dancing bottle snaps
and Darwin drops the strings
of my marionette.
In a list
A contest entry
- see not the flame, know the artist, and understand blood. (invite only) by apples fell.
400 points, ended September 25, 2008, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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i loved some of the imagery here. the sun being compared to a disco ball was probably one of the coolest, if not the coolest sun-metaphor/sun-image i've ever seen.
"a flat tire flops around like the skin of a cat"
such an odd and grotesque image, but it's an amazing simile.
stellar. good luck in the contest.
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"a flat tire flops around like the skin of a cat."
- Now that is an image. "left off with my face,"
- That was the only line I felt was awkward. I love the opening to this particular piece. On another note, Darwin always liked to drop things, especially marionettes. I love the nature of this piece and the different feeling it evokes...It's a statement inside a statement and the word dance here is like chemistry.
Thanks so much for the entry and good luck.
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thank you, as always. this is one of the few times when i think it worked out for the better to allow the sound of the words to shape the piece. as a whole i'd say the piece is about falling behind, like the air seeping out of a tire.
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And I think you are damn right, indeed. Your work is always so thoughtful...Which is very near to my own heart and I very much appreciate that you take writing so seriously, as so do I.
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I quite enjoyed this, I found the pictures created enjoyable to look at and the flow is nice.
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First impressions count - this is a daring poem with strong images. The clementine sun stands out in the middle, reinforcing the glowing disco ball image.
A flat tire like the skin of a cat is another great image. Very well placed.
I picture a simpler material girl among the self-chosen elite. The bottle of intoxication falters and the whole thing crashes in one materialistic nightmare.
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"a flat tire flops around like the skin of a cat.
the neck of a dancing bottle snaps
and Darwin drops the strings
of my marionette."
wow, very abstract and eye-catching. I love this.
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"the sun is a disco ball,
a chintzy clementine"
&
"as i swing home on skinny limbs
to pick up a spar left off with my face,
a flat tire flops around like the skin of a cat"
those lines are really amazing.. i really adore your writes
♥
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my favourite line is:
the sun is a disco ball,
a chintzy clementine.
i'm not exactly sure why, but it really caught my attention. i like the complex simplicity of this poem (oxymoron). what i mean is, it seems really simplistic but in actuallity there is a lot of depth. some words/parts/lines don't make sense, but at the same time they really do. apparently i'm not making any sense either. i think you understand what i'm saying though, right? very good. i highly enjoyed reading this.
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