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innocence


The pastures called the echo’s bluff
enticing eyes of hazel green,
for in the beauty of dew’s kiss
a treasured gift remained unseen.

Enticing eyes of hazel green,
like emeralds sparkling in the sky,
saw dreams of meadows where to rest
and looked beyond the sunset’s sigh.

For in the beauty of dew’s kiss
hid warmth like burning ember glow,
so close to one that thawed the frost
to bring new life from winter snow.

A treasured gift remained unseen
as echo’s bluff revealed once more
that pastures on the other side
were worth the wait to go explore.



Author notes

GREEN

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • sunny day
    January 21, 2008
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    Bravo!!! Bravo!!! Bravo!!!

    going, I had to come back to say congratulations on the well deserved gold. This contest attracted some very good writers of which you are most definitely amongst the elite with your soft smooth touch. More power to HAZEL EYES!!!!!!!!!!! Best wishes going forward and congratulations once again. Love and God bless you my friend, Joyce


  • paulcreates silver member
    January 20, 2008
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    brilliant


  • Idle Mind Wondering silver member
    January 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Simple beautiful! your words flow in gentle emotion, touching without seizing desire and dreams.

    Excelant.

    ken


  • penman gold member
    January 11, 2008
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    Excellent

    Very well done. Best of luck in the contest.


  • country-girl
    January 1, 2008

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    awwwww, how cute! beautiful imagery, and great metaphors. i like how soft and sweet this was. great flow it totally added to it, and i like that color was inspiration for this. wonderful work!


  • mysticstorm gold member
    December 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Perfect form and flow...a wonderful use of the form...which made for a perfect read...a truely excellent job...what more can one say.
    Your word choice is beautiful and the read is so invitng and peaceful.
    Best to you!


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    December 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Bravo! Standing in applause!

    This piece flows so smoothly and evenly and uses wonderful internal simile.

    Green is as green as it can be. When the grass appears greener, perhaps waiting to explore is the best option.

    Totally what we are looking for in this round. You have penned perfection in this piece and your form is spot on.
    An exceptional entry! Well done.

    ~Pamela


  • urban cowboy
    December 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    excellente

    Green is my favorite color! You did a really good job repeating the kiss, echo, and hazel images...and I liked the title, even though it was simple, it captured the poem well...this was a really beautiful piece, and really nice an warm to read! (its cold here) Great write once again!!!!!!!!!!!!


    • going nowhere
      December 23, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      haha... green is mine too. the repeat is the type of poem.. the retourne has repetitive lines...
      and i used the prompt green to mean innocence... like.. new.. inexperience... but the pasture being greener, hazel eyes, etc.. has that green feel too.. thanks, as always for your comment.


  • crystaldust gold member
    December 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    crystaldust 23-12-07 17:06
    This is a lovely poem; it sparkles with emerald-hazel and dew and in alternate rhyme, too. I like the touch of humour in the last verse - perhaps the grass in your poem is greener on the other side?
    Best of luck in the contest. Joy


  • alivefromlove
    December 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    oh! very nice!!! i love this poem =) great flow and ryhme, you did a superb job on this one!!!!!!


  • sunny day
    December 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Bravo!!! Bravo!!! Bravo!!!

    going, The use of hazel green in this went deeper than you know as I have hazel eyes. It made it even more special to me. Your lovely words flowed so softly in this retourne and filled my mind's eye with the most beautiful imagery. You captured the essence of the prompt in a magnificent way and ran with it. You left me feeling so peaceful after reading this. Thank you for sharing with all of us and best wishes in the contest. Love and God bless you my dear friend, Joyce

  • penman gold member
    December 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    So very creative and well expressed. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Naridill
    December 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very beautifully penned. Love the stark imagery & beautiful phrasing.


  • Twilight4Eternity
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    WOW... this is so beautiful. It paints such a lovely picture in my mind...emeralds...dews kiss... This is a very very well written poem. I think you should do great in the contest This captured my attention with the first line and kept it till the very last.

  • juno0404
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Love the imagery, love the the softness;
    and I think I'm also beginning to like
    the color green.

    "A treasured gift remained unseen
    as echo’s bluff revealed once more
    that pastures on the other side
    were worth the wait to go explore."

    That may be true, but waiting could be such
    agony, especially if there's a treasured gift to see.
    Good job.


    • going nowhere
      December 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      haha... thanks so much.
      it's sorta like Christmas... you have to wait and open the gifts under the tree... NO PEEKING! and when you don't peek, along with the anticipation, it should be more exciting to receive that gift.

1 - 23 of 23