this is not
an ending.
rather, in the trailing of your fingers
over mine, I taste the future – one
where forgetting is a crime
but remembrance a sin,
dipping back into memories
as morbid
as crows against the sunset,
rays splitting redly
across feathers
where
I will beckon, perhaps, another mind
like yours – one to fascinate
and entice, twining together
like sun-drenched waves
against a beach
we will laugh
& touch
and one day, I know
that his words will shine golden
for their own sake, not basking
in the scent
of your skin touching mine,
that potent mix
of harmony
& passion
which does not belong
to you –
in this surrender,
I am only strengthened
by your gaze.
We have not lost.
and, in the quiet beneath the stars,
we can live
forever
Author notes
not-me, second poem after ages without - possibly rusty. apologies. Sotto Voce = lit. 'below the voice' - play softly, play subtly, play gently
A contest entry
- deep water by Nicolette.
5200 points, ended January 7, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - more deep water by Nicolette.
5200 points, ended January 7, 2008, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poets Survivor 3 - It Begins NOW - Audition Interval One (For Everyone) by Ryno.
1050 points, ended February 14, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write Contest: Love Poetry by Nicole Hanna.
15000 points, ended January 28, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Beautiful work. Thanks for entering.
-
Yes.
Really great stuff. -
yes, good luck!
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Yes
Good luck!
La x
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Yes
Asbsolutely. This is an amazing one I loved the imagery & your unique phrasing but am a large fan of the morbidness of the crows against the sunset. Please wait patiently for the other judges responses. Thanks; Ryan. -
very touching
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I fully agree with grm's assessment of this poem. Excellent poetry and if this is how you write when you're "rusty"...wow!! I really loved the voice in this poem and there were many lines that I wish I had written, wish they were mine.
I liked what Guy said "many of the lines moved along my own skin like warm fingers"... I can only say "amen" to that! This is a fine fine entry - it has poetic quality and an emotional impact that lingers in the eyes and the mind.
You really should write more. Thank you for this beautiful entry.
~ Nicolette
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though i know what you were getting at, the first person/second person tense changes were a bit awkward for me.
however, that being said, i find this piece very much spot on as to what we are looking for in this contest, and that this is truly a work of pure poetry.
many of the lines moved along my own skin like warm fingers.
you have quite a talent.
thanks for entering
-
I would not like to be in the host shoes to judge this contest. I simply can't choose which line was better. Very nice.
~Sonja~
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...in the trailing of your fingers
over mine, I taste the future – one
where forgetting is a crime
but remembrance a sin,
dipping back into memories
as morbid
as crows against the sunset,
rays splitting redly
across feathers
this astonishingly potent stanza sets the tone, a tone of many notes, actually a chord ... there is a suggestion of love, intense and devoted love, and regret, a forgetting of how to remember something lost yet not quite, and there is throughout this a simple, effortless facility to float upon truth as a thing natural as the beating of a heart ... well done. I applaud you and I find joy in your talent and accomplishment here. I hope you win.
-
"in this surrender,
I am only strengthened
by your gaze.
We have not lost.
and, in the quiet beneath the stars,
we can live
forever"
This is just such a beautiful penning, Poet. Good luck in the contest. I know these lines by their indelible mark upon my own heart. Wanda
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