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Jack to Queen


Passing time as a planet withers...
slowly,
and impostors slink off,
unnoticed among
the churning of lies;
the endless accusations
are singing canaries,
to hide the toxin beneath--
red on black.

When peasants grow restless,
stifle dissent
with an ace of distraction
and a prayer
to the forsaken god who still dominates
the "free nation,"
and still begets the world
with genocide; war,
in his peaceful name.

Flip over the same cards again,
reusing excuses,
repeating like a parrot;
a record turning, turning,
until another ace
surfaces,
another scapegoat to occupy attention
as we count down the days--
stark numbers of a solitary office.

Singed eyebrows mean nothing
to a king behind a mask
of indifference; the mind beneath
in ignorance.
Both wounds and knowledge--
superficial
as the shredded corners
or worn-away paint
of playing cards.

As they see the end of your game,
throw in a red seven;
a few final cards of your legacy

in the deck,
unnoticed in their thrill
of a new coronation...
put wallpaper over the mildew,
and let them discover
the dry rot.

And congratulations.
In your tangled adhesive lies
binding decayed promises,
you have learned how to kill
both time and troops,
in the game...

  Patience.

Author notes

Screenname...Catauthor
Gender...female
Name...Kaitlin
Age...15
Title...Empress
One sentence of what I want to gain...Well, my main purpose here is to challenge myself more than I have been lately, and also to work more on self-expression, as opposed to plain ol' poetry writing.

[Also, if it's not too much to ask, I'd like constructive criticism on my freeverse, because I almost never do it, but this is a second sentence and I understand if that's too much. ;-) ]


On this poem: My first attempt at society-based freeverse; personally, I think that it is rather cliched and needs imagery, but I'd like to know what you think of it as it is.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • Thiefree
    January 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Impressive

    It may be slightly cliched, but I'm very impressed by how much thought has gone into this. You're clearly very politically aware; that comes across in your writing. Very nice


    • Catauthor
      January 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comment! I'm glad that you enjoyed reading my poem. Looks like you're new to the site--welcome to AllPoetry!


  • Tangled Angle
    January 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    271

    [out of 10]
    originality: 10
    creativity: 10
    Catchy Title: 10
    Transitions: 8

    [out of 15]
    Line-breaking: 13
    (Balance of) ideas: 15
    Length: 15

    [out of 20]
    Structure/Coherency: 13
    Interesting opening: 18
    Effective ending: 17
    Universal Theme: 20
    Flow: 18
    Focus: 20
    Passion/Emotion: 16

    [out of 25]
    Message: 25
    Initial impact: 22
    Final impact: 21

    [out of 300]
    TOTAL: 271

    • Catauthor
      January 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Oh! I didn't realize this had been scored or the contest even judged!
      Thank you for judging and showing your scores. See you in the next round, which I am currently brainstorming on--dangerous, I know.

  • Tangled Angle
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is well done.

    Hello,
    Congratulations, you have made the first cut. I will be making a second cut. In order for you to have a chance at making it past the next cut is to apply for this group. Please look for the information that is required for you to give me, so that you can join; don’t worry, it is only two things: username and gender. This will help me organize making cuts better. Thank you.
    Again, congratulations, and good luck.

    http://allpoetry.com/group/info/Teen%20Idol%207?stay=1

1 - 5 of 5