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Odd Shapes

 

 

I smell of earth

curves and creases hidden in green

ripe scents seemingly comfortable

assembled on Mother Nature’s floor

wild winds weave through nearly bare bones

light fades     filtered blue on black

timid tree branches hide in shame

as the ground swallows another heartbeat

voices whisper on a stream

secrets seep into dirt    

           and so it is  

                 odd shapes of me   hollow bones

           smelling of earth –

 

~Becky Zoch~12/19/07

© 2007- All rights reserved

Author notes

Prompt: What Dreams May Come .... With Nurse Chilly

Very cool picture!

 

http://allpoetry.com/contest/2381848

A contest entry

Critique Please

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • lowercase prelude gold member
    August 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Your imagery was fantastic. It conjures up alot in the reader's mind. Great poem.


  • Hetha gold member
    January 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love your personification and relation to Mother Earth in this write. Of course I am naturally drawn to such picturesque and imaginative pieces, as it ties in nicely to some of the things that I do. This flows like cream. I love it.

  • piccola silver member
    January 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    as the ground swallows another heartbeat ... what an outstanding line. I wish it was mine. This is well written. The flow is smoothe like honey.


  • Cat gold member
    December 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    so good this piece- so ethereal and dreamy-

    don't like mother nature's mention here.. i think it curdles the piece just a bit-
    but so much of this i do love

    the loam and earthy feel
    and the hollow bones smelling of earth.. love, love, love that line

    great to find you here..

    m


    • zochit2me gold member
      December 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply


      My bones are hollow and smelling pretty darn earthy these days...

      Thanks for the comment

      Becky


  • NurseChilly gold member
    December 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love the earthy smell to this... it's got loamy parts..

    nicely done

    many thanks for entering our contest and good luck too

    G.x


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    December 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Good one girl, you have some killer lines in this...

    "light fades filtered blue on black "

    "as the ground swallows another heartbeat"

    "secrets seep into dirt"



  • vertigo beat
    December 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    -as the ground swallows another heartbeat
    favorite.

    loved your comparison. dunno why i am finding yours and esha's work more amazing than usually.

  • tara wilson gold member
    December 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    love this!!!...


  • Xombii
    December 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This has such beautiful imagery... I love it.


  • Sacrificial Love
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    WOW....

    this piece gave me chills Becky... all I could think about was all the secrets that the soil knows... incredible pen you wield my friend... xoxo Heidi


  • FindinSoundInSilence
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very nice poem!
    it flows nicely. it's an interesting story. i like how you describe everything. the poem is calming, and yet sad in a way... .
    (I could taste the eath ont he tip of y tonge while reading your poem^^ xD)
    good luck in the contest!
    beautiful write!


  • KissMeGoodnight
    December 20, 2007

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    oh wow extremely gorgeous.
    'light fades filtered blue on black
    timid tree branches hide in shame'
    amaZing.

  • carole21
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    very nice

    very nice write for the prompt . . beautiful references to nature . . like "curves and creases hidden in green" and "as the ground swallows another heartbeat" . . good luck in the contest!

  • Suzanne Dia
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply


    Smelled earthy as I read it (in a good way )

    I love the way I was able to sink into your poem while you sank into the earth. Make sense?

    This is beautiful.



    • zochit2me gold member
      December 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      You always make since to me

      Is that scary or what


      It was meant that way, earthy. Not sure it it is what cat is looking for but I worked on it last night for like 3 hours or longer. The damned site was messed up (what's new) and I could not post anything. OK I digressed enough...lol.
      I like your pic, is that you?
      thanks for always being there...period.

      Becky

      • Suzanne Dia
        December 20, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        I would be the one with the darker hair, and the silhouette of pup would be my Dilly.



        Did you get the pup yesterday??

1 - 17 of 17