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Voices Of The Dead

 

 

I listened to the voices in my head
Contemplating the things they said.

 

"Laughing" 


Echos that danced inside the room
Leading me to this place of doom.

 

              "Pictures"

 

Revolving is this place standing still

I search for the bottle to take a pill.

 

"Blinding" 

 

Headaches corrupt my sleeping time

Lost in thought is this troubled mind.

 

             "Insomnia" 

 

Screaming to the depths of my soul

Voice's of the dead now take control.

 

Author notes

Quote: "I can hear you whisper, but you can't hear me screaming." - Evanescence - remix kind of thingy

Damn This Insomnia:
For all of the CRAZY poets out there...Option 2 & 3

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 44 of 44

  • shecantstopfalling.
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is a really good poem. Obviously alot of other people think so to, considering the comments Good luck in the contest and thanx for entering


  • darlintlc silver member
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this piece...as I have suffered from insomnia longer than I care to remember. LOL

    This describes it very well indeed!!

    Thanks for entering
    darlintlc


  • LaylaLace
    August 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The structure here is interesting.
    Good luck in the contest!


  • Great Cthulhu
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    An impressively dark and disturbing write, well done! Thanks for entering!


  • GypsyEyes
    April 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i can relate to this poem! i thought it was wonderful and beautifully penned.thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! NineTailedFox


  • DestiniesTwined
    February 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Over all, a very nice poem.


  • AutumnsFlame
    January 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    OOOOOOOOooooooo This poem was so good until the last lines upset the flow... they didn't rhyme and it just THREW me off! Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • askmyname0
    January 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was a cute poem for the lack of sleep.but you havent heard me speak.


    • Timespell
      January 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Glad I don't suffer with this sort of thing anymore.

      All the best,

      ~T.S~


  • Melodies
    January 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This works so well...

    Reading it down the couplets, and then back up the couplets, this poem works wonderfully either way! I like it very much, OH YES!

    • Timespell
      January 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks...

      I actually pointed this out to someone in an earlier comment, that it reads both ways...LOL

      All the best,

      ~T.S~


  • Never Fall in Love
    January 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    - your use of couplets is amazing, yes - I agree with the comment below me.

    - This is one of the rare rhyme pieces I'm actually impressed with in this contest - kudos.

    - You'll realise my bitter tone while judging, so I'm in the mood for fixing everything. I recommend that although those scattered words add quite an effect after every couplet - it would be better to have them after every two couplet. Having them after each disrupts your flow of the poem too often.

    . - perhaps you can leave in laughing and blnding, and rmove the other two.

    Never ♥

    • Timespell
      January 6, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thanks...
      For reading and for your suggestions on this piece.

      If I was to edit this like you suggest, I believe it would lose much more than it would actually have to gain...

      ALSO... I have done the poem as if you were about to climb the stairs to go to bed...LOL
      The scattered words are the footprints of my thoughts going there...


      The main problem I see in editing it would be removing the word "Pictures" from this.

      Maybe This would read better if I done it like this for instance...

      I listened to the voices in my head
      Contemplating the things they said.

      Echo's that danced inside the room
      Leading me too this place of doom.

      "Laughing Pictures"

      Revolving is this place standing still
      I search for the bottle to take a pill.

      Headaches corrupt my sleeping time
      Lost in thought is this troubled mind.

      "Blinding Insomnia"

      Screaming to the depths of my soul
      Voice's of the dead now take a hold.


      If I was to take out "Pictures" I don't think it would work as well. Tell me what you think.

      Thanks

      All the best,

      ~t.s~

      • Never Fall in Love
        January 6, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        Yes, if you wish that may be better. However, if you prefer that is, I like Blinding Pictures and Laughing Insomnia - a much more cruel image if you agree. Also, in one of your lines now that I notice it - 'too' should be 'to' ... the 4th line after a change is made.


        • Timespell
          January 6, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          OK...

          I have done this now...

          All the best,

          ~T.S~


  • Fey Absinthe
    January 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Couplet!!!

    I love how you used couplets throughout the peice! It's different from what I've seen and that's why I love it!

    • Timespell
      January 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks...

      I tried to make a picture with my words, and express in the picture what Insomia feels like.

      All the best,

      ~T.S~


  • LadyDementia gold member
    January 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful refreshing piece, love the depth of imagery. Very well penned!

    • Timespell
      January 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Cheers... I am just glad it is something I can reflect on now, and say "YEAH...NOT NICE AT THE TIME!!

      All the best

      ~T.S~


  • Georgia La Mariposa
    January 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi this was wonderful, breathtaking imagery and perfect symbolism, I too have entered this contest

    • Timespell
      January 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks again for reading and commenting on this one...

      I will have a look at your entry.

      All the best,

      ~T.S~


  • georgie
    December 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Well i havent read anything of yours i dont like yet. this is not one of my favourites but its still a brilliant piece. i think you know my fave
    hugs,
    georgie,
    xxx

    • Timespell
      December 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      LOL...

      I think I do...

      Must say this is a bit different for me, in the sense that it is dark but not Murderous Dark...LOL

      I used to suffer badly with Insomnia a few years ago.
      So thought it would be a good topic to write about.

      Thanks for reading this one.

      Hope you are having a great Christmas.

      All the best,

      ~T.S~


  • zeeeno
    December 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is awful sad i've had my share of such experiences. i got through them eventually, i hope you will, too. great job

    • Timespell
      December 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Yes...

      I have gotten over the Insomnia days... It'ssomething I would never wish on anyone...

      Thanks for reading and commenting on this poem.

      All the best,

      ~T.S~

  • Papagallo
    December 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    9

    Yes, the voices of the dead have much to say. When I visit the graves of the departed I can at times; hear them speak to me. This poem sent a slight chill down my spine.

    • Timespell
      December 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for reading and commenting...
      I must say when you are lacking sleep through Insomnia, the voices call from everywhere...

      All the best,

      ~T.S~


  • UnchartedPoet
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nice style, like two line with the one word to end it with more of a punch. Good write and best of luck in the contest.

    Jen


    • Timespell
      December 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Jen, for reading and commenting on this one.
      Glad you enjoyed my journey.

      All the best,

      ~T.S~

  • mmook
    December 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    well done ... amazing thANKS FOR SHARING


  • Stars-Get-Dim
    December 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing love, truely amazing.


    • Timespell
      December 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      All the Best,

      ~T.S~

  • Bob Fox
    December 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I must say

    You hit the nail on the head. You must know me for this is me. Oh boy i need a new doctor

    • Timespell
      December 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      LOL

      HAHAHA...

      Thanks Bob, If your symptoms persist please feel free to email me, I will give you my prognosis to suit your needs...LOL

      Thanks for reading,

      All the best,

      ~T.S~


  • Synthetic-Nightmare
    December 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    WOW......

    I'M in love with this one. I can so totally relate, i've been on a two day straight wiht no sleep. i'm fuckin TIRED AS HELL but i can't seem to shut my mind down to rest. My thoughts are way to racey. lol.
    wonderful job on this

    • Timespell
      December 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      LOL

      Two days fuck that...I remember my days of Insomnia and would never wish it on anybody. To be honest poetry helps an over active mind get back on track. The only problem is telling your fingers to stop typing and to fuck off to bed...HAHAHA

      All the Best,

      ~T.S~

      • Synthetic-Nightmare
        December 20, 2007

        Edit | Reply

        lolol

        that bad, eh??? Gotta fuckin LOVE insomnia. I used to get it all the time where i'd be fuckin strung-wide awake for weeks on end and i started taking sleeping pills. BIG-FUCKIN-MISTAKE! LOL
        It took me a while to unhook myself. I don't have that much of an insomnia problem anymore, off and on.
        GLAD YOU'RE NOT STRUGGLING WITH IT!

        It really eats away at your brain, huh?

        • Timespell
          December 20, 2007
          Edit | Reply

          lol

          Yeah...Nothing like it use to be mind you!! Think it was drinking to much "RED BULL and Vodka hahaha. Don't go on any mental ones like I used too.

          Well talking about Insomnia...I am off to bed now.

          Cheers...Darci!!

          Take care

          ~T.S~

          • Synthetic-Nightmare
            December 20, 2007
            Edit | Reply
            YEAH, THAT MIGHT DO IT!
            OMG OMG OMG YAY! VODKA AND RED-BULL!
            Aw, that shit knocks me on my ass, SO DOESN'T JELLO SHOTS!!!!!! *yumm, more vodka*


  • Little Fury
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, not bad... not bad at all! I LOVE the form that you gave this poem--2 lines then a quote, as a pattern. And even though when the last couple of lines came down and the rhyme wasn't quite on, it WORKED! And I don't see many poems that can keep the poem alive, once the rhyme pattern has been broken. But this was great! Great write!

    • Timespell
      December 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      If you read from the bottom to the top it works better...A bit like some old stairs we have to climb.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      All the best,

      ~T.S~

  • SecretMe15
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was unique. I liked it. It makes you imagine and picture it. I also liked the Evanescence quote.

    • Timespell
      December 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for reading and commenting, nothing like a bit of Insomnia to get the Madness flowing...LOL

      All the best,

      ~T.S~

1 - 44 of 44