I breathe in choking,
A shuttered breath only is exhaled.
Trying to control the sobs,
as I resurface from my world,
and enter this cruel reality placed in front of me.
I try to regain composure,
so the vultures won't pick me apart again...
Author notes
this is for a 7 line contest.
A contest entry
- ~* As You Exhale... *~ by Desire.
700 points, ended December 21, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything! by My Selfish Romance.
300 points, ended January 26, 2008, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Thank You!!
Thank You for Your entry: Struggling Breaths
Love the words You have written and the Journey You take me on. I could see the images unfold
These lines grabbed:
I try to regain composure,
so the vultures won't pick me apart again...
Powerful...
This line: A shuttered breath only is exhale.
...I inhaled it several times and for some reason it feels like another word between only and exhale...
may bring forth more impact just a dash
to Your message...
A shuttered breath only exhales...
the is...just stops me in my tracks
Just a Thought...
also...some people use lower case i...
or uppercase...
I'm not an English major but just a thought...
if You desired to use uppercase I...
for presentation purposes...I highly recommend
keeping it consistent...
like the entire piece lower case or uppercase...
I noticed You had one lower and the two upper...
It does not take away the energy from Your voice
but in other contests...The Host may question
Here I understand what You meant~~
Wonderful take on the prompt!
Thank You for sharing Your Talent also message!
Best wishes to You in the contest Sweet Soul
**Judging will be done shortly~~
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
-
Oh my goodness.. what a wonderfully profound take... Love it.. Well done and best of luck in the contest. 
Delila
-
Nicely done
Wishing you the very best in this contest!
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