Freely offered trust is bare,
Stories exchanged earns insight.
Attentive ears' lair shows friend's introspection;
Positives found give delight,
Heartaches revealed as we share.
Friendship's inner beauty accords affection,
Grace nurtured becomes love's natural reflection.
Pleasant moments brought to light
Then pause ~laughing in traction
Treasured nights spent discussing topics with dare,
Games played with boundless action.
Wiping dry the tears of fright.
Adorning feelings crown the pledges we swear
Encouraging wishes and dreams *passion's flair*
Tempered words free inflection,
Spirits dispel our despair,
Granting compassion to friendship bestows might.
True friends' steady hearts are rare;
Hold firm their selection.
Relationship's commitment cannot be trite,
Dispose feuds and spurn attitude's lying blight.
Whistle
Friendship's inner beauty accords affection,
Adorning feelings crown the pledges we swear.
Relationship's commitment cannot be trite,
Sharing love births our invite.
Author notes
This is called a "Z-train Ballade", the envoy is called the 'whistle' and acts as an ending refrain.
lines are syllabic count only (for now) [7 and 11]
they move like a "Z" --- 7 7 11 7 7-11 11
the rhyme is:
a (7)
b (7)
a/c (11)
b (7)
a (7)
C (11)
c (11)
b (7)
c (7)
b/a (11)
c (7)
b (7)
A (11)
a (11)
c (7)
a (7)
c/b (11)
a (7)
c (7)
B (11)
b (11)
Whistle
C (11)
A (11)
B (11)
b (7)
I will be further developing this form and plan on writing more in the future. This poem itself is only the 1st rough draft so will be editing after contest is completed. I welcome any and all critiques.
A contest entry
- Final Round - Invite Only by Florida Sunshine.
1750 points, ended December 22, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
I like it, and that is what is most important in the end, isn't it. Too bad most women can't be both intimate friends and lovers with a man; just too much jealousy.
. Rewarded 4
-
lovely
puttin aside the form of the write, ur words sum up the topic.i really love the second stanza.
to the form, i'd say it the first time i'd read such. think i'd try my hands on it (z train ballade).
all the best -
Superb
honorable winner indeed. Truly deserving I can see that. A poem that speaks about true freindships through thick and thin.
I didn't quite get the style? I have to study it again or re-read it once more... but overall I thought it was great.
cheers and have a good one.
-BLanche
. Rewarded 6
-
good effort..
Nice theme explored and expressed with strength. You have highlighted many of the core aspects of true friendship. It is a very challenging rhyme scheme you have taken on here..I will go and re-read it again later, and then read your edits...Congrats on a strong effort. All the best, Mat -
I want to come back after you do your edit and make my comment. Please contact me.
Rose -
i love it!! you capture the essence of the hugs, conversation & tears we've exchanged in real life. the z-train format is most intriguing--i hear a piano melody in there somewhere. sending you my encouragement & love to keep writing
-
The form is creative and really sets itself beyond making new ground ~ I like it ~ I can't wait to see how you tweek perfection. It's interesting I'd love to see people enter a contest using this format ~ heck I'd enter just to try it out~ I enjoyed the poem as well you really seemed to cover all the bases.
I'm especially happy to see you made it in on time~ welcome to the final round ~ good luck to you!
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
