smashing,
against ocean rocks,
a pounding thunder
of summer's love
in the sand
A contest entry
- sick to death of winter scenery by Suzanne Dia.
450 points, ended December 19, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Nice
Thank you for the mental transport to a day at the shores of Rhode Island. I can see and hear the waves crashing, I smell the sea, and feel the warmth of the sun. A beautiful poem in a wonderful form.
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Thanks Michael, for coming by to comment. Very much appreciated.
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Ohh...adorable!
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Thanks Mari.... much appreciated.
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love it~
I haven't done a tanka forever
And this one being a summer tanka makes me ever so wistful...
While I love Christmas I love the warmer days...
Beautiful and perfect as always
Hugs
Susan~~~
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Lovely lovely!
I sometimes forget how much I enjoy Tanka's - reading them as well as writing them. This is an alternate form of a Tanka, right?
I love what you have written here - very romantic and the words "smashing" and "pounding" are an excellent counter-balance for "summer's love" and the word "sand" (which are very soft, gentle words).
Bravo!
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Hi and thanks for the great comment. It is a traditional form of tanka, really. It has the main elements and of course, tanka have been written different ways historically. If you're referring to the 5,7,5 7,7 pattern I understand where you're coming from. However, that was developed considering Japanese Onji and not English syllables.
At one time, folks misunderstood and thought onji and syllables were the same; but, the are not. If we use that as the measure, English haiku and tanka become very wordy with lots of "fill" words to make the count.
For example: geisha In Japanese it is 3 onji: but in English, it is 2 syllables. That throws the haiku off by one requiring the English version to now add another syllable which therefore requires more words.
Haiku - often written by Basho anywhere from 8 to 24 onji... no 5,7,5 "rule". The Japanese language has a natural meter of 5,7,5 which why it occurred so often.
English doesn't have the same 5,7,5 propensity.
Haiku in Japanese even with 5,7,5 onji are only around 11, 12 words or so. English work much better keeping that in mind. Remove wordines equals clearer more concise images.
Tanka work the same way. Less words: greater clarity.
Whew.... you got me going this time. HAHAHAAHAHAAAAA
Have a wonderful day. -
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Thank you for the info. I would like to learn the "proper" way to write Tanka's and Haiku. Your info is helpful. Perhaps I can IM you a couple of mine and you wouldn't mind telling me what is wrong with them - or what is right with them.
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Saucy
Couldn't help picturing that scene in From Here To Eternity where Burt Lancaster is putting the move on Deborah Kerr. I've always loved the analogy of pounding surf and pounding, uh, well, you know - which is one of the reasons why the beach is such a romantic place, I suppose. lol Nicely done.
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That movie was an inspiration for this poem, actually. Of course, it DIDN"T come from "personal" experience... ahemm
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Ah, yes, I remember a day or two like this
And a much nicer day than being snowed in for Christmas... well, maybe now I'd appreciate being snowed in, I miss it.
A lovely piece, lots of nice imagery and dual meaning in this little scene
Good luck in the contest
Dee
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Hi Dee... .thanks a bunch. It didn't place... but it's I'm still glad I wrote it. Another one for the book Field of Daisies....
Take care and thanks again.
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Excellent write, good luck
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Thank you sooooo much! I appreciate your visit and comment.
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Reminds me of a day in NH
This is beautiful, a touching entry.
Thank you
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Thank you.
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