The party’s wild
The music’s loud
He makes his way
Through the crowd
She’s dancing there
In the middle of the floor
All eyes are on her
And she’s begging for more
He puts his hands on her waist
And whispers in her ear
“Come on Babe,
lets get out of here.”
They walk out the door
Into the night
The full moon above
Gives the darkness light
He walks towards the car
With keys in hand
Knowing he shouldn’t drive
He could barely stand
But then he looked back
And saw her standing there
All time suddenly stopped
Nothing moved not even air
At that very moment he knew
What he wanted in life
At that very moment he knew
She would be his wife
She smiled at him
And he knew everything would be alright
As they both got into the car
And drove off into the night
At first everything went fine
She didn’t know he’d had a few
But then everything went black
There was nothing he could do
He could feel the cold ground beneath him
And a throbbing in his head
He opened his eyes and looked around
He was lucky he wasn’t dead
The car had gone off the edge
And rolled to the road below
A normally fatal fall
Even when driving slow
But then he heard a sound
A heartwrenching cry of pain
And he knew she was hurt
Lying in the dark as it started to rain
He went to her
Crawling to her across the ground
He screamed for help at the top of his lungs
But no one was around
He stood and ran
Dodging the jagged pieces of the car
And then he found her lying there
And the sight would forever scar
She was lying there
In a puddle of water and blood
Gasping for air
And calling the name of the one she loved
He knelt down beside her
With tears streaming down his face
For what he saw made his sick
The vile in his throat he could taste
A jagged piece of metal
Was protruding from her chest
He reached for the metal
But she cried out in protest
He reached up and touched her face
Her warm blood spilling fast
He wanted to look into her eyes
He knew she wouldn’t last
He leaned forward and kissed her
Both knowing it would be their last kiss
He had not meant for this to happen
No, he had never wanted this
A shaking had reached for his
He took it and it was as cold as death
She whispered, “I love you.” And closed her eyes
And took her final breathe
She went still and her hand fell from his
And he completely lost control
He had killed the one he loved
It was her life he stole
Reality sank in
And the tears, they fell down faster
He held her in his arms
And felt his heart shatter
It was his fault
He killed the one he cherished
Because he’d had a few drinks
And because of him her life perished
He cries, he screams for help
Knowing that its too late
Knowing he’s going to have to go through life
With a few drinks and a huge mistake.
Author notes
hmm... me... um im 17 years old and just recently got married. i am expecting a baby boy in January.
i think this is my best write because... well.. it tells a story that some can relate to. its heartbreaking and i have had many compliments on it. i love it.
A contest entry
- LOVE POEMS: LET'S SEE WHO CAN MAKE ME CRY THE HARDEST! by Demmy-Defect.
600 points, ended January 12, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Adding to my family and meeting new poets!!! by azlyn.
479 points, ended June 22, 2008, 27 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SHOW ME YOUR BEST...Anything Goes by nevadapoet.
900 points, ended September 12, 2008, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I LEAVE...YOU WIN by honorable mention.
1477 points, ended November 13, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Win $50, and be published in the next Allpoetry Book! Relationships theme by Kevin.
400 points, ended March 5, 115 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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What a beautiful write, a great entry for this contest. A perfectly penned write with great flow and good imagery. Thank you for the entry. Keep the pen flowing...the pleasure was all mine.
Nevadapoet
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It is worth the reading! You bring forth an important message and a worthy topic! And you've done a great job writing it, great imagery and taking the reader right into the scene and keeping their attention throughout.
♥
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this is GREAT: it's not cliched it's not your regular drinkdriving poem. very real, well done !
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VERY WORTH READING!!! I lost two of my best friend one night in my high school days because of a party we were all at and everyone drank and then got in their cars...that was years ago before all the DD alternatives came along. This is a wonderful write! I would like to feature it as a link on the contest page if that is ok. Thank you so much for entering!!!
Az -
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i would be honored =] go ahead. thank you =]
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Im sorry but i did say upto 40 lines and this has gone way over. It is really good, but didnt follow the rule sorry xxx
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Wow, this was so beautiful, and sad, and well deserving the gold poem. It was really tear jerking, fantastic write. Nice job.
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As someone whose been personally affected by drink driving this touched me deeply. Good work. Theres quite a twist which I wasn't anticipating and I think that is reflected in the writing. Before the car crash the flow of the poem seems almost song like but the chaos caused by the loss of life seems to lose that for a more frantic, pacey feel. Bravissimo haha.
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The imagery is just awestriking! From the first line I was kept intrigued. Each that followed just drew me in deeper. To be honest I didn't want this one to end. Bravo! Thank you for sharing this with me and best wishes to you in all of your endeavors. Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use.
♥ Touchof1der -
excellent story
this sounded more like a cinema but as you put it its well portrayed... nice read though.. -
This reminds me an in depth, poetic version of the peral jam song "Last Kiss." Two lovers crash on a winding road, he lives, she dies, last kiss, etc. If you haven't heard the song I would consider it an exceedingly eerie conincidence. Even the ryhme scheme is similar. Scary stuff. I might not ever drive again (or maybe I'd install a hardwood floor for convenient "knock on wood effects.") Good write and an entertaining read
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Oh dear..
This was sad.
I mean, beautiful but sad.
We know that drunk driving
is bad but this is so
apparent in this poem.
He knew he loved her
and things ended so tragically.
This was a wonderfully written poem.
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So I read through this piece and it was powerful to say the least. There are horror stories, and all kinds of stories of despair related to drunk driving, but I really like how you pieced yours together. It was dark and tragic, but there was also a love story that made this piece as heartwrenching as it was. I caught a few things that I think can be fixed, like the rhythm is a bit off in a few stanzas like 3, 12, and 13. Other than that though, superb job.
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Humm ..indeed a stunning story you are here with so much thoughts which are provocative as well..This is really very sad and very painful story..yet your rendering is impressive and your scenario is quite powerful to bring the message over the forefront..I am impressed a lot by this verse..well done...
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sad nic
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Congrats on the gold trophy. First let me say that the picture you added was just... heart stopping. It really set the reader up for something dramatic and intense. And you most definitely did deliver, I would have preferred it to be slightly shorter but as you said it is worth reading. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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WOW, you are right. It was worth reading, doesn't how long it is.. what matters is you shared a painful part of your life. the message is clear and very important. I am sorry that you lost someone in an accident and for all of the pain that you endure.
kat
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BTW, great job on the win. Gold worthy.
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Whoa. This poem just leaves me speechless... Just...
WHOA.
I felt my heart start to hurt, and I imagined the same thing happening to the one I love (I don't drink though, so good thing). It just shows us... anything can happen, no matter who we are or what you might feel will be alright.
Excellent poem. Superb. I would save it, but... I don't know. It brings back too much negative memories of something I can't quite say (not personal to myself, but the one I love).
Very nice rhyming, and a great story withi a poem. Clenches the heart and retreves the reader into this world of abyss.
Thanks for sharing.
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this was so deep.... your rythm and spelling could use work in only a few tiny places, but other than that, this was a grand write that you should seriously be proud of!
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Sad, true. I just knew someone who died in accident where the driver was driving drunk. She was thrown against the hot car and burned.
It was awful.
I love the mixture of love thrown into this.
Good job. and Good luck.
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