With emerald eyes like gems of light
she danced into my heart that night,
another captive of her grace
imagining her warm embrace.
She danced into my heart that night,
a fairy sprite in candlelight.
Her movements like a lush ballet
revolving in a tour jete.
Another captive of her grace
I know that no one could encase
the magic glow that burns within
with every charming turn and spin.
Imagining her warm embrace
like embers in the fireplace
I long to make this dancer mine,
a princess with those eyes divine.
Author notes
prompt is: GREEN
form is: RETOURNE
must use: SIMILE in your verse.
Like so many other French forms, the Retourne is all about repetition.
It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables.
The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line,
the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's
fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme.
A contest entry
- NO GREENS - ROUND 2 - Invitation Only by Pamela A Lamppa.
3000 points, ended January 20, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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well done, a beautiful dance, I see a large room and a dancer silhouetted by firelight.
nice entry. ken
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I see green eyes, and simile as well. Perfect form with this lovely Retourne.
A lovely and uplifting entry for this contest. Nicely done.
Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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A dance that seems to fit this form perfectly.
Wonderful Retourne of grace and imagery. Blue
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oh... i LOVED this... maybe because i have green eyes.. or that i have had ballet... so many things! great job!!! it just makes me smile to read this!
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magnificent meter...
...this is a pleasant poem and gives a happy message. I could see the dancer on my daughter's jewel case, glittering in the light and playing a merry tune...just like your poem.
The rhyme, the meter and the flow are wonderful and the resulting emotion is vivid and powerful.
Well done.
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Bravo!!! Bravo!!! Bravo!!!
Liz, All I can say is encore, encore to this Prima Ballerina. Your use of rhyme in the form empowered it even more so and the similes were right on. It flowed delicately like that ballerina and the imagery you afforded me through your words had me feeling as though I were at the ballet. Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece with all of us and best wishes in the contest. It is exquisite. Love and hugs from your sis, Joyce
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This is gorgeous.
Best of wishes to you.
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'Imagining her warm embrace
like embers in the fireplace'
Very beautiful phrasing. You have lifted this form up nicely. Well done.
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