Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

our love.

our love was found
on that day
at that moment

but how was i to know,it would be taken away

 

our love grew 

at a fast rate

with a quick and easy pace 

but how was i to know,it would become hate

 

our love was tested

but it failed,it couldn't bend

obviously, we carried on living this  lie

but how was i to know,slowly,this was all to come to an end  

 

our love was ended

"what a fun ride"

but how was i to know,that in-fact, our love was nothing to hide 

Author notes

this it's a personal love poem, I'm not proud of it, and i bit ashamed i didn't portray love that well. i might delete it when i have more poem's..if you don't like it be nice.i hope you do like it anyway. and i hope you enjoy reading it.

:):) 

what do you think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Simply.Nora.
    March 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like it. you didn't portray it wrongly because love had its good side and its bad sides, so, you simply revealed what some might not want. please don't delete it. And "what a fun ride", man... that has a lot of meaning
    { =[ } good one. [Your one of my new favorites, so keep writing!! ;>]


  • Elenaliz
    February 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    hey my name is elena and im a vegetarian to i think its good and you did a pretty good job portraying love its not very deep but its good and to the point.i like it.

  • MasteroftheCruciatus
    December 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    okay

    it was neat but try to focus on the number of syllables (beats) per line. Also, if you want to make it sound really strong, use a thesaurus to find synonyms for words that you know, that way you won't use the same words again and again.


  • minith
    December 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    nice!

  • Shrouded in Mystery
    December 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I like it . . .


  • cafegroundzero gold member
    December 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Very interesting but it does need a little bit of work


    Might you take a closer look at it and maybe put punctuation and some grammar? Also, how was the love tested? Inquiring minds, as the cliche' goes, would like to know.


  • cafegroundzero gold member
    December 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Okay... welcome to AP and also to the CB


    Let me read this. Please give me some time, young lady. Thank you for your patience!

  • starbomb - x
    December 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    also*

  • starbomb - x
    December 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i know this may be a very emotional piece for you and may mean a lot to you but to be honest it wasn't strong enough. ourso i hate how our love is over used in this piece.

    although, a poet shouldn't listen to what someone says about their work for the writer of it feels it. and that is all that should matter.

1 - 9 of 9