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Last Night

 

 

Last night was the worst night of my life.
I hardly slept as visions of you continuously crept into my mind.
I found out for the first time how much you hate me.
Never in a million years did I ever think that I would hear those words.

I stood silent in the night for hours contemplating,
trying to find the best place to end my life.
Maybe I should have run away, so far from here.
Somewhere dark and cold where you would never find me.

I thought about hanging myself in the closet but,
the rods weren’t sturdy enough to hold my weight.
I even thought about shooting myself,
or jumping in front of a moving car in the night.

I’m not quite sure what kept me here,
I don’t know why I didn’t do it.
This morning the pain is so much worse,
it’s eating me alive as I sit here and type this.

All of this time I thought that everything was alright,
especially during this time of the year.
What’s worse is that you won’t even talk to me,
not knowing what I did wrong makes it even harder.

I can still hear your voice from last night,
the way that you cried and swore continuously.
There is so much pain deep inside of my heart,
I really need to hear you but am afraid to call.

I really need to talk to you right now,
I don’t know what to do anymore.
My insides are all twisted and bent in every way,
something’s telling me this Christmas might be my last.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

4. the war that goes on inside you mind while you are self harming

J e r e m y 0 8 2 6

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 60 of 60

  • FlipperSwitch
    November 6

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    I didn't picture someone harming themselves during this write- more so, I pictured you sitting with tears fresh on your face, hair down over your eyes, purely thinking in a numb sense about what has happened. But over all I like your view, it's relaxed but it's a strong emotion-filled write.

  • bballer21
    November 4

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    wow, this is extremely sad, and the emotion just flows all through the words, wonderful write! good luck in the contest and keep on writing!

    thanks for entering ! (:
    ~~allie.

  • BrokenGlassRose
    November 3

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    oh man, so emtional, i can feel it in every word. Normally to a piece like this I'd say too simple, needs better word choice but this piece doesn't need it. It's like prose but with more sructure, you're simply stating your mind and therefor e it doesn't need fancy words and metaphors. It's just out there and something about that is heartbreaking. good job.


  • Rosefrn silver member
    October 30
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    wow. this was exactly what i was looking for. thank you.


  • Sheilasbabygal4life gold member
    October 13

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    This was very amazing. I am sure that someone out there can realate too this in some way or the other. I enjoyed reading this.Thanks for entering and best of luck too you in the contest!


  • JaydinC
    September 28

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    woooww

    pretty heavy stuff that's dealt in this one. No one should have to go through this, myself, I've taken the S-train 5 times from the time I was 13 till just before my 21st birthday. Though my reasons were different than those given here, I do understand that desperation that comes from such a dark place of the human soul. Well written friend, and know that suicide is never an answer...I know, I had to ask five times before I figured that one out.


  • borrowing.moonlight gold member
    September 9

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    This is so raw and exactly what I was looking for.


  • mitchybaby
    August 31
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    Very deep and emotionally painful! Great job love it


  • stargardt13
    August 22

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    This was very sad. I've felt this way. I am so sorry that you had the pain to write this. I hope you feel better. Thank you for entering my contest


  • Ami
    August 16

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    Sad yet still amazing I really liked the last two stanzas perfect rhyming and flow in this and wow a bronze silver and gold trophy congrats this write deserved them all Thank you so much for entering my contest and Good luck
    -♥Amy♥


  • Midnite-Rae
    August 4

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    Aww, this was really sad, especially the end. I hope you don't still feel this way. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here. You have a lot of imagery in this poem, sad imagery, but imagery. There was also a lot emotion in this poem. I could feel it. I can relate to some of this. I do hope you are feeling better now. "something’s telling me this Christmas might be my last." I'm glad that the upcoming Christmas was not your last. You did a great job. It was well written. Thanks for entering and Good luck in my contest.


  • trekkergirl
    July 16

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    oh wow some really intense emotions in this. Some much pain, confusion, sorrow. Some really intense feelings. You describe them so well. Great job. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into my contest.


  • deepmindedpoet001
    June 19

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    very very good

    You're writing is really good, I like it alot. This poem was excellent, check out some of my stuff.


  • Queen of Shadows
    June 19

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    THIS IS AMAZING it shows exactly how i feel OMG okay ur definitly a finalist
    can i polease have ur username though


  • darkangel-darksoul
    June 18
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    this is an amazing write, and it fills all my expectations with the choice of prompt you chose. my favourite part is "I thought about hanging myself in the closet but,
    the rods weren’t sturdy enough to hold my weight.
    I even thought about shooting myself,
    or jumping in front of a moving car in the night."


    love it.
    good luck


  • Gay-Militant
    January 6

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    very painful. i'm glad you are ready to let it go.
    i will say this because i always do when i read about people who felt the need to commit suicide.
    are you ready? ok, i mean this in the most comforting way possible: its time to grow up. and i don't mean that in the way you think. You are more than wanted on this earth by plenty of people i'm sure. don't make them go through the agony of losing you. You are strong enough to face what this world will dish out to you. Show this world you a forced to be reckoned with, not a scared little girl. You should march proudly. you have a lot to be happy for. everyone does. i have faith that you can make it. let this contest be your first step to realizing your potential.


  • nobodys-girl
    January 2

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    wow. the pain from this is so clear and easy to see...it hurt to read it. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!


  • BleedingBlackTears
    November 25, 2008
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    this is exactly what happened today.im in so much pain. im right there. 1.


  • FreeTara
    November 13, 2008

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    understandably the worst night of your life, very deep and personal can relate to pain like this, very deeply indeed


  • November-Dani
    October 18, 2008
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    This is a very deep and personal poem. Well done and thank you for sharing it with us.
    Dani.


  • Dangerousparable silver member
    October 10, 2008

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    I really hope this is not a true story, I felt it in my gut, it hurt and made me quiver like a wet dog what a work


  • Swan song gold member
    October 5, 2008
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    Thinking aloud! I do this often Very nice and done poetically


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    September 2, 2008

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    omgsh, this is epic
    such raw and personal pain, penned in the finest detail

    well done with this one


  • November-Dani
    September 1, 2008

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    Fantastic. Very well written. Very dark and meaningful. 'This morning the pain is so much worse,
    it’s eating me alive as I sit here and type this.' Fantasticly written. Thank you ever so much for sharing, Good luck to you.
    Dani.


  • Avalanche.Echo
    August 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was very good, and very sad. Emotional and touching. My favorite part was:
    I’m not quite sure what kept me here,
    I don’t know why I didn’t do it.
    This morning the pain is so much worse,
    it’s eating me alive as I sit here and type this.

    I've been there, so I guess it just sort of reaches out to me. It's painfully truthful.
    Good luck!


  • Avalanche.Echo
    August 30, 2008

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    Don't forget to put your name in your authors' notes. Do it by tomorrow, and you can stay in the contest.


  • Sarah957
    August 26, 2008
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    I can releate to not knowing what to do when someone is upset with you. I get "all twisted and bent" when my husband is mad at me. I cant stand it.

    This part was haunting
    "I can still hear your voice from last night,
    the way that you cried and swore continuously."

    I can see that this written a while ago. I hope things are better for you now


  • Walking Oxymoron gold member
    August 24, 2008

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    Every word is dripping with pain.
    Reminds me of that saying
    'What do you do when the only one that can stop you crying is the one that made you cry?'
    Irony.
    Don't let it be your last.
    Your pen is your gift.... continue to share.


  • innocence jaded.xx
    August 24, 2008

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    This is incredibly penned. Your pain was clearly shown throughout the entire poem, and it definitely stayed strong beginning to end. I can definitely tell this is a personal experience, and I'm sorry you felt this way. It's really sad that some people have this control over our minds & hearts that make us think things like this. You wrote such an intense piece here that many can relate to. I'm not surprised you won gold.

    -All of this time I thought that everything was alright,
    especially during this time of the year.
    What’s worse is that you won’t even talk to me,
    not knowing what I did wrong makes it even harder.
    ...

    Yeah, I definitely know what that feels like. Wonderfully written. Thanks for entering, & I hope things are better for you now :] ♥


  • XxX-Ivy-Love-XxX
    July 25, 2008
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    wow this is very nice. good luck in my contest!


  • InMyFlames
    March 6, 2008
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    This is so sad this described a situation that i feel in now, bloody hell arose the memories. The wording isnt complex but its interesting you fold the images right into the word i can just see the closet and you let my mind do the rest of the work (if you get what i mean) well thanks for entering.


  • Flight of Dragons
    February 2, 2008

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    Really good! I like how you talk about your life. Your word choice is very clear and visible, yet very strong.


  • InMyFlames
    January 20, 2008

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    "I stood silent in the night for hours contemplating,
    trying to find the best place to end my life.
    Maybe I should have run away, so far from here.
    Somewhere dark and cold where you would never find me."

    i can really relate to this but since you have already won gold, it defeats the purpose of my contest, so you wont win, sorry. Thankyou for your entry anyway i enjoyed reading it


  • satan-
    January 18, 2008

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    Oh wow, the emotions of this are just.....wow. This is just, absolutely flawless. I'm reading this over and over again, and the emotions are just as strong as ever each time. Congrats on the gold. It definitely deserved it.


  • Dak
    January 16, 2008
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    Heartbreak is unfortunately something we can all relate you. Your words have a certain power in them, and a familiarity that sparks interest. To be truthful, I don't know why, but I expected more out of this. I love the emotional direction you went with it though. :]


  • Lamia
    January 16, 2008

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    It's like a poem in the form of a letter. You've really got the desperation and anguish gushing from this poem. The pain expressed is awesome (awesome in the biblical sense, not awesome in the Californian surfer sense). Well done and good luck in the contest


  • Deezee
    January 8, 2008
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    Nicely written, I can feel the emotion. Goodluck


  • Jeb
    January 7, 2008

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    A very heartfelt and relatable read. Great job expressing it! Thanks for entering my contest and good luck!


  • Bleeding On Paper
    January 6, 2008
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    wow you've accomplished saying a basic guide to what im going thru

    good job and good luck


  • MysticalRayne
    January 4, 2008

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    I feel what you are going through - you wrote this piece extremely well. Best of luck in the contest

  • ApathysEnemy
    January 3, 2008

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    hmmmmmm... i understand wht u r going through.... this is a really good poem and i felt the pain... i felt the lonliness


  • GypsyEyes
    December 30, 2007

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    wow this was really powerful! and i just loved the emotion! Good luck in the contest and have a happy new year!
    ~NineTailedFox


  • Ithica silver member
    December 24, 2007

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    How tragic the bitterness in heartbreak. You seem to have a great capacity to love, and this person sounds undeserving of it! People do not spew venom on those they have loved, something is amiss? Loving relationships DO break up, and it is sad but both parties know it is best and sever the relationship "out of love for each other" To make you feel their hatred for you makes me doubt their sincerity in love? You will do better to move on, you have nothing to prove, to anyone. You will find someone who deserves you... Many blessings to help through this holiday season. And TRY to have a Merry Christmas!

  • amysticwriter silver member
    December 24, 2007

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    Jeremy...this is so well written, it breaks my heart...knowing there are so many that mirrow your feelings, self included...I have been through heartbreak before, and look back now as a blessing in disguise, as God had something better waiting for me...again I am experiencing disappointment and lonliness, knowing that just around the bend, I will see the sun rise again...Merry Christmas to you and don't forget to follow the bend in the road of life...the sun will shine...Mary...


  • Broken Machine
    December 22, 2007

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    Wow, that is AMAZING! It made me want to cry but people in my house are asleep and I would wake them up. This poem spoke to me like you were in my shoes.
    I remember my dad yelling at me one night for stupid stuff I think it was because I answered my cell phone or something like that. And he's just like I don't care if I ever talk to you again. It hurt me so bad inside it still hurts but. Oh well, that's my dad for you!
    Good luck in the contest! ( =


  • XxESPNCHICKxX
    December 22, 2007
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    WOW this is really really good....I loved how your poured your emotions out into it...Good Luck


  • darkangel-darksoul
    December 20, 2007
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    this is .. wow.. i love .. i realy like this. good job and good luck. thanks for entering


  • Darianna
    December 19, 2007

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    Oh Jeremy my sweet brother!!! How can anyone speak harsh words to you? You have such a sweet nature I can't hardly believe how anyone could!!! I guess she needs to go her own way it seems. Ah well, you deserve better then. HUGS, Love ya!!!

    DAri xxx


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    December 18, 2007

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    My sweet friend...Let nothing or no one take what is rightfully yours from you...You are here for a purpose and she has made you feel you are worthless...You are not..she is one person in a world full of people. Do not take on her hate and place it into your existence..let her go and become what she feels she needs to be without you...that is her choice and has nothing to do with you. If she cared for you in any way she would never hurt such a sweet soul. I have known you for over a year and you have always been a gentleman...Never lose who you are for someone else. Love is a beautiful thing and sometimes we meet up with people that just do not realize that.
    Please know that you are loved and that you have so many people that care for you..
    Be strong for there is so much ahead for you.
    Love and blessings always,
    Noreen


  • LadyShiva
    December 18, 2007

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    Oh how I wish that I could tell you that everything will be fine and that in the end everything turns out the way you dreamt that it would but I can't. I feel your pain on every level because dear poet I have been there before and remained there in total agony for four long years! My heart bleads for you dear friend during your time of struggle. Just know that you have people that love and care for you and will be here for you in your time of need.

    Lauren


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    December 18, 2007

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    So proud of you.....Writing your pain

    bold and fearless "ocean warrior" of much depth and soul!
    Could you read between these lines...??hearing the strength in you?
    why you didn't do "it"...because your
    spirit said, "NO, I will not live and breathe a life of hate..decay!
    I AM NOT...the words you so brutally try
    to SLAY me with!

    I have BLESSING YET...to live!
    Could you feel the LIFE force peeking between the
    lines??? .....BURSTING through? Seeking to comfort you!

    Dearest of poets, life and faith is pressuring you...
    testing you...and yes..tormenting you.
    "This is" the moment of your life...when YOU decide
    if I will listen to voices of bile and tears of all
    past pains...????
    or Will I simply...say,
    I AM NOT........and list powerfully, struggling
    as if without breath to get each and every word
    OUT!

    "It is time" for YOU to LIST your seeds,
    your I BELIEVES...
    write each and every one out.
    Do not listen to voices who serve GARDENS of
    BREAKDOWN...now that you did hear the voice
    of weeds on that telephone? Are "weeds" in
    that garden "worthy" of your life???...of course
    you felt that way.....because YOU are a Powerful
    "Light" and the dark words of hate you heard
    were shocking and overwhelming,
    hurting you...a soul that screams,
    I am NOT! and
    I am wonderfully alive!
    Whoever spoke to you
    those words of hate....just wanted YOU to CARRY
    their PAIN....they probably actually felt RELIEF
    after doing so...that's how sick they are...
    NOT YOU!

    List your seeds, write them carefully, your
    what I believe...powerfully!
    I believe in you...I am not alone in this garden,
    there are many not just a few..who really know
    what I am going through...

    I believe.. that I am a good imperfect man,
    I have compassion and laughter to offer one
    another.

    I believe ....I can plant my tears and grief,
    not serving weeds in the gardens of breakdown.


    List YOUR OWN I believe's..........

    and you will see the Blessings
    RELEASE themselves-chains bursting..
    allowing you to confront and
    identify without judgement, or condemnation
    you will be able to RECOGNIZE,
    which voice is the one you SHOULD and
    SHOULD NOT listen to or give worth.
    It will ease "all" the wounds of your life!







  • fairyzion
    December 18, 2007

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    Jeremy, if this is your first time with feeling this, please pause, hang on. You have to know that we all have given everything to someone else and lost. I hear you, I feel you. Your moments have touched all of us who've read this. I don't know you, but I care. Love recycles and only time heals, and now I am invested in you. Big hug to you.


  • katzmeow13
    December 18, 2007

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    Jeremy,
    I don't know you but for the words I've read over the past few weeks. Stand proud knowing that your words have touched the hearts of many here.
    ...weep in all of our arms, for at some point we have all felt the pain of sharp tongued words that pierce deep when spoken by someone we love.
    Every time you write about it... every time you speak you grief... your heart will heal a little more.
    Keep safe and stay strong there are many more Christmas celebrations in your future, even if this one comes laced with pain.
    KAT


  • montiebatmom
    December 18, 2007

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    Stunned

    Jeremy, this piece tore me apart. I am in tears over here, thinking about how fantastic you have been, and how encouraging and how I wish I could take this pain away for you. I heard your voice in this as I read, which is something I rarely do, so if nothing else good comes out of your situation, know that the raw emotion is coming through loud and clear. I'm here if you need me, to vent, whatever. Take care darlin!


  • Sensual Sapphire
    December 18, 2007

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    Know that you are lovable, know that you are worth more than what another can see. Embrace these thoughts and make them your own. You are here because life holds more for you than what you have now and what you had in the past. You will find what you are here for and when you do life will make more sense and things will be full of beauty you have yet to see. Pour your heart out when you need too and know that people will be there to listen and share your emotions. You are loved which is easy to see by the responses you have here, feel their love and know it is just the begining


  • Angel Of Heaven99
    December 18, 2007

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    oh Jeremy, my heart bleeds for you my dearest brother! I felt so much sadness here, I am actually crying for you. I am sorry you are hurting so very badly. You need to know how much you are needed here and that you are SOOO loved! And by so many! I am always here for you, NO MATTER what is going on. Please don't let this Holiday be your last, you are much needed and loved always! I don't know what I would do without your cheery chats to warm my heart. Even if your not cheery, I will give you what you gave me...warm chats and love! Please please don't give up on your life.

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    December 18, 2007

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    Oh Jeremy . This has broken my heart more then you can ever know. I have not known you for long but I do want to tell you that you are not alone and that you have many that love you and that care.I understand of wondering am I better of gone away from this life that has caused me so much pain but I must tell you my friend that it is not true your life is an amazing gift that is a reflection of the person that you are if you every need anything Jeremy even if it is a listening ear I will be here because I truly do understand this pain and sweety no one should ever feel like this.Life was not meant to be this way and sweety you will see the light through those that love you much love Jeremy always


  • Melodies
    December 18, 2007

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    Ah, Jeremy...

    Your poem makes me want to pop in and hug you ... When a person hurts another person sometimes it really has little to do with the person who is hurt, and mostly it's an ongoing emotional/mental problem with the person who is acting out. It's really difficult not to take it all deeply personally, but please try to get your balance. You are a magnificent person, dear poet friend, and you are admired and appreciated by many. You loss at this time may seem unbearable, but you have support and help. If you feel truly like you can't work through this alone, then go to a clinic and ask for help. Plus, we are here, ever faithful, to talk to you.

    Melodies who thinks you are a supremely fine person and poet.


  • Arizona Sunset
    December 18, 2007

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    this is such a sad poem...and I feel every bit of this!!! I need you here!!! And it better not be your last, or I won't ever recover the pain! s you tight, I won't let you fall...here for you always! love you bunches brother!!!! ~Trisha~

  • Nighttime angel
    December 18, 2007

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    WOW

    Jeremy, this is a sad poem. filled with a lot of emotional pain. its hard enough this time of the year, but having to go through this makes it much harder. I am sorry that you are experiencing this. I am here for you to talk to, whenever you want.

    try not to give up, I know that its easier said than done, but try. I applaud you for being able to write this down and get it out.

    kathy

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