I told you in May that butterflies weren’t meant to flutter, but you laughed in a way that made even the flowers shudder.
I told you in May
that butterflies weren’t meant to flutter;
you laughed in a way
that made even the flowers shudder.
I told you
butterflies weren’t.
You laughed,
made flowers.
I told you:
shudder.
Author notes
I am not normally a form writer (which you have probably already learned throughout the contest lol). So of course, when it came to designing my own form poetry, I decided to think a little outside the box and stay away from the typical rhyme scheme and line length combinations.
I call this the Shutter. Yes, like a camera shutter; no, not like a shiver shudder. *winks* It generally has four stanzas, though can on occasion have more (it’s a bit flexible as a form, you see). The stanzas are laid out as follows, in a nearly devolutionary pattern:
The first stanza is invariably a complete and grammatically correct sentence, usually with some form of internal rhyme scheme or, at the very least, the lovely lull of alliteration.
The second stanza breaks the sentence with line breaks, attempting to keep the rhyme regular. The lines don’t necessarily need to be the same length, and often the insertion of line breaks, removal of small unnecessary words (such as “but” in this case), or slight alterations in punctuation can lead to a mildly different effect from the sentence form.
The third stanza takes out the butcher knife. *smiles* You retain the same number of lines as in stanza two, but remove the majority of the words. The purpose in this is to take what you’ve had and, by carving it down, make it say something completely and utterly different, something more poignant and poetic. This is also usually where the rhyme scheme is lost. If you would like to add more stanzas, this is the place to do it – you can keep carving at your sentence, changing punctuation and position of words in subsequent stanzas until you feel ready to move on to the last stanza.
The last stanza is the snap. It is short, to the point, and slaps the reader in the face with something they wouldn’t have expected from the first sentence. Again, you are still using words that were in the sentence to begin with, and words that have survived your reckless (or artistic hehe) carving in previous stanzas. Often I find the snap is comprised of the first and last word – see this example, for instance.
The overall purpose is to lead the reader through a metamorphosis from one thing to another, and to surprise them with where you’ve ended, without reaching for anything new. It’s more challenging than you might think, but can be incredibly effective.
Enjoy! Let me know if you have any questions!
A contest entry
- Final Round - Invite Only by Florida Sunshine.
1750 points, ended December 22, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Speak your mind.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is a really cool idea and something I'd love to try my hand at. I'll probably butcher it the first time but hey, there are always points for participation! ha ha Your first line is also very chilling, I had the urge to look over my shoulder for such a person.
~M~ -
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I'm not usually a form writer, but this can be a bit of fun, I'll admit. Let me know if you do try it out - I'd love to see what you come up with!
Thanks!
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I told you in May that butterflies weren’t meant to flutter, but you laughed in a way that made even the flowers shudder
The idea of flowers shuddering is beautiful, and that it would be causes by a certain laugh gives it a creepiness that is awesome. I love these ideas. I don't like the repetition and such but I understand that it's all about the form and the contest, which is cool I guess.
I'm really getting into your writing. -
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*laughs* I'm glad you like my writing - I've been having a tough time with it lately. Just doesn't want to come out, you know? Thanks for your comments!
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Based on the form you've created it totally works for the entire layout process... Simply unique through and through ~ ~ Overall you did a great job! I did enjoy this~ completely out of the box type thinking`
Thanks for getting your entry in ~ congrats on making it to the final round ~ good luck to you
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Thank You!
I really enjoyed trying to come up with the most unique and out-of-the-box form I could, so I'm glad you liked it. Thanks again for taking the time to host this wonderful series of contests!
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amazingly effective scheme - your poem rocks. I'm going to try this out myself, I like the image of beginning with the full thing, as a sculptor with his block of stone , then carving away, carving away, all the negative spaces (as an artist might say) until only a full and positive image is left - very different from what was there at the beginning, but related.
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Different but related, yes. I think the best Shutter does a complete one-eighty and says something the complete opposite at the end than what was said at the beginning lol. Let me know if you do try this form - I'd love to see how it turns out.
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