I blow and air billows like smoke in front of my face,
and you're enveloped in clouds, your sleepy blond hair curling like a halo.
I hum and you dance with an eloquent grace,
and it breaks my heart to see you this way.
We're so much older then we look and the way you run your frostbitten lips across mine and the way your fingers grope blindly for something to save you...
It's never felt so wrong, the remembrance of something so long ago.
I opened my mouth to tell you I love you,
but the words froze like icicles on the tip of my tongue.
A contest entry
- It only hurts when I breathe (NO SUICIDE & NO CUTTING) by ellipsist.
875 points, ended December 22, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Brr
Comments
-
"then" line 5 should be "than"
I think [like tears] is gratuitous... unnecessary...
I am sorry that I began with my qualms, as this is one of the pieces I like best... love the imagery and your use of similes... I like the tone... very beautifully composed...
wish there were more to it... I was a bit sad when it ended and I had to stop reading...
-
Good poem!
Beautifully written! One suggestion...I think the last line would be more powerful without [like tears], but, that being MY opinion, if you think like tears is important enough to stay...delete the [].
-
Very, very deftly done poem! Bittersweet, poignant, lovely, with effective rhyme. I liked it muchly (I would ditch the brackets[] as more and more it is being used as a crutch by "poets" who are unsure of what to say) bravo... bravo... bravo...
-
cool lol
very deep and passionate i thought is came from the heart as if that was exactly how you felt at that time and place. feelings put into words
Adding your comment:
